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How much support are you providing? To help bring them to a teachable moment, you might have to back way down on what you are doing for them so they/she can more clearly see that this situation is NOT sustainable.
Does your mom have any issues?
Is their paperwork in order? Will, POA, etc.?
If you are helping take care of the house, hire someone (with their money) to clean and do the maintenance. Hire someone to cut the grass, etc.
Set some serious boundaries. As long as you keep doing for them, they will not be able to see how dependent they are.
Is it time for dad to go into assisted living?
Maybe you can't convince them to sell the house but you don't have to make it easy for them to keep it either.
So hard.....
If their minds are made up, I don’t know what you can do to change it. You can’t force them to do what is best.
I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life.
If you are being asked to help just keep saying No. Keep saying that they need to get help or go to an AL together. Something will happen that a decision will have to be made. Dad may wind up in rehab and they won't discharge him because the home is not safe for him.
So you've explained they need more help. What response did you get?
Denial? No we do not! Or, yes we'll see to that (but don't).
Or some acceptance? Maybe that help is needed but just not how much?
Or understanding that old age & health issues are bringing big changes to their lives, but grief & anger about it. Not yet acceptance.
Life becomes the teacher I think for many...
How about cobbling together as much as help as is available as their Plan A *age in place*. As a trial. They can simplify things like getting meds preprepared by pharmacy into Webster packs, groceries delivered, meal delivery service, cleaning service, gardening service, aides for bathe assist.
If this is all just too hard (like being Mayor of a small town!), or is still insufficient for the needs, next is Plan B *age in a different place* eg Assisted Living.
If I am off track, let me know. If the help you want is more HOW to stop answering your phone, how to stop yourself driving there, stop yourself doing everything etc
This does not obligate you to prop them up.
They may choose to stay at home and employ caretakers.