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If by your mother's help you mean that you faced financial challenges of your own and she bailed you out, then as long as she did so knowingly and willingly and on her own initiative you still don't have a legal problem but you can't expect your siblings to like it.
If you haven't kept any accounts and your siblings bring a claim against an estate they presume exists, even if they are wrong, it could all get very stressful. What records do you have of your mother's spending since she came to live with you?
But oh my goodness. It's a new one on me that they could look at her will and reckon that she herself was a one-fourth beneficiary of her own wealth, and the rest already belonged to them. Man.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom.
I posted earlier inquiring if you were merely asking ‘how’ to tell your siblings or if they are asking you about money.
You replied that they haven’t asked yet.
Many of us have been through issues with our siblings so we get your dilemma.
You say that you aren’t confrontational but feel like your sibs will expect some money.
While you don’t have to share any information with them, if this is causing you stress and you want it to be over with I would do as babs suggested, write a brief letter stating any details that you wish to share with them.
I love the idea of a letter! Everything is spelled out in black and white.
You will no longer have the feeling of this issue hanging over your head. Plus, you don’t have to speak with each sibling separately.
If they contact you after receiving the letter, they are being ridiculous. But as babs said, simply tell them that the letter explains everything and you have nothing further to say about the matter.
Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult time.
1. You have no legal duty to discuss anything including finances about their relative to anyone except if you need them to pay up for their relatives comfort, support, food, housing of course, or they ask. They may not ask, bc they already suspect she’s out of money and don’t want to help.
2. Why are they not helping you help her already? Seems they don’t want to know anything about their relative or they would ask and or be their.
3. If you tell them she has no money, they may abandon her more. If they think they have something coming, they may give her love on a visit or cover for you so you get a break. Greed helps to keep them around.
4. There is no need to bring up money if you don’t legally have to. It will not end well. Drama will occur. If mother has no money contact 211 (in CA or other option in your State or County) for options or Federal MediAid in your State to get them to house her. In CA it’s called Medical paid by Federal govt and some State administered by the State and Counties. They pay for housing portion and medical if cannot afford to. Or, have her kids do this since they are next of kin.
After you get financing options, contact kids to see if they agree to house and care for her first. When they then ask why, you can tell them about no money and options via govt. They have asked legit question. Ask them if they now wish to house and care for their mother along with bill for unpaid expenses do to you.
Let them decide if she needs to live with them or in county , State, Federal paid Residential Care in a private home or County facility. And better yet let them do all the work of finding out and applying for financial options for own relative.
you don’t give us a lot info. What kind of money are you talking about from the 10 years ago ? Are you talking about 50 or 60 thousand dollars? If so, as a sibling , I would want to know as well .
If it turns ugly , response is : I gave you the information in the letter. but the information needs to be there.
(I see my husband s family disentigrating because the FPOA didn’t want to share the financials when asked. Now, since he didn’t share the Medical POA refuses to share because brother didn’t.. )
What is this, lets split our inheritance before Mom dies. We have a thread going on about this where the father did give his kids the money, now he needs Medicaid within the 5 yr look back and there is now a penalty. My SILs sister thought she was entitled to some of the proceeds from her Moms house and the woman was still living.
You tell them they got their inheritance while she was living. Seems to me they are selfish people and Mom picked the right one to live with. I too am not confrontational. Did you keep any kind of records? Does Moms bank account show where her money went? Well, it comes down to Mom lived with you. I am assuming she was competent so capable if spending her money as she wished. Thats the bottom line, it was Moms money to spend as she wished. Just because someone leaves a Will with certain stipulations, does not mean that inheritance will be there when they die. A Will is done for "just in case".
Did Mom have a Will? If Mom has nothing so nothing to Probate. Maybe a call to Probate asking how do you handle a Will that now there is no estate. Normally when a Will is probated all beneficiaries are sent a letter saying the Will has now been filed and is in Probate. Maybe you can send a letter saying that Mom died with no estate or funds.
I really am surprised that they have not bugged u at this point. Ten years is a long time and the cost of living has skyrocketed. Mom was responsible for her own bills. Her living with you did not mean you took on her expenses. The money is gone. SS stops the month of death. As does any pensions. Maybe just wait till asked.
Assuming that funds to care for your mother are no longer a problem, what is there to fear about telling your siblings she left nothing behind her? Were they relying on expectations? Did anyone mislead them about this? Or, are you worried about accounting for your mother's expenditure?
You are under no obliigation to show them any of the financial transactions or prove anything to them. Instead, you can do the math and show them how the loss of your income contributionfor 10 years impacted your family (no SS added to your account for your own retirement, no paid vacations, no advancement in your career, etc.)