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If you are dreading this move NOW, you will be truly miserable once you make the move, and pretty much captive inside the house to boot, thanks to the plague. Depression is a real thing and not something you should saddle yourself down with.
Getting mom into a nice Assisted Living place is not a 'crime' or a 'sin' and it's something you need to seriously consider doing rather than offering to move in with her. I placed both of my folks into AL back in 2014 and it was a great decision for all concerned, no regrets. My mother is still alive at nearly 94 and now in the Memory Care bldg of the same AL. She gets great care over there and is able to socialize with others and do activities daily. Being alone all day with only one other person *you* to rely on for everything is not the ideal situation for EITHER of you.
I hope you take the advice you've been given here to heart, and that we don't hear back from you in 6 months saying Why Did I Make This Mistake, And How Do I Get OUT? It's much easier to move her into AL now than it is to move yourself OUT of there and her into an AL once you move IN!
Best of luck!
If you needed your plumbing redone, there would be no shame in saying "I can't do this, I would be in way over my head if I tried, and I might do more damage than good. So it's time to call a plumber." No shame in that, right? Well, there should be no shame either in "Mom needs someone to take care of her. I can't do it. I would be in way over my head if I tried, and I might do more damage than good. So it's time to call for professional caregivers."
Don't let ANYONE guilt you into making a decision that you you are almost sure will not work out. Not your mom, not your sibs, no one here, and most especially NOT YOURSELF!
Good luck! I hope you can find a solution to keep mom safe and healthy!
Who is included in the family you have to leave?
You are planning to go from a Non-caregiver to a Fulltime caregiver? Did you ever want to be a nurse? If the answer is "NO!!", then you should not be a caregiver to your Mom--especially during a quarantine.
Your desire to help is wonderful, BUT you are trying to help in a way that is offensive and distasteful to you and fills you with lots of negative emotions. Would you want someone who feels that way to take care of you? You may find yourself taking your anger out on your Mom and end up emotional and maybe physically abusing her. Do you want that to happen?
Your Mom is 95 years old and she is going to need more and more help each month and each year. Maybe it is time to stand your ground and tell your Mom and your siblings that your Mom needs to have Home Health Aides or she needs to go to Assisted Living because you are NOT going to do something that you really don't want to do--be a nurses' aide for your Mom.
Do you have children? Remember what it was like dealing with a 2, 3, 4 year-old? Diapers, toileting, bathing, bedtimes, constant questions and tantrums? Now put that attitude into a 95 year old! And add in the size issue. Can you safely help her to get up? Do you call 911 to make sure she isn’t hurt?
My 93 year old mother, in MC, has fallen 5 times in the past week alone. If she was living with me I would have to be with her 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t forget and try to get up to reach something, or go to the bathroom.
What about food, room temperature, TV programs, etc. It's her home and she probably won’t want to adapt to you or your routines. Covid will make you a prisoner, no outside trips, no shopping, no hairdressers, nothing! Just you and Mom 24 hours a day.
I know a lot of people think it’s terrible to move an elderly person into a care facility but the staff there is trained to deal with all the issues the residents might have. And then they get to leave and go home after a 6-8 hour shift.
I know from experience that not everyone has the temperament to deal with the elderly and an bless everyone who works in these facilities.
Your Mom has had it her way for 95 years, maybe it’s time for her to do what you need for a change.
By moving in you are only enabling her to continue to live in an unsafe situation. You will be locked in with her 24/7; I am sure that is not what you want. Even with you there accidents and falls will still happen.
Sometimes we just have to sit back and let them fail.
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