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I had my mom help me pack her "stuff." She really was little to no help, but I would give her a job to do and a box (in a different one than where I was working. I told her if she didn't want it to put it by the door, and we'd give it away to someone. This was a better solution that saying, "Toss this junk!" Her emotional attachment to some things was overwhelming to me (i.e. 25 jackets, 300 plastic hangars, 30 large butcher knives, her late husband's medicines, etc). I had to be VERY careful about how I referred to her "things."
When unpacking in her new apartment, if there was no room for something, I'd put it by the door and say, "I'll take it to your storage unit for now. If you find you are missing something, we can go get it, okay?" Then, when she didn't ask for it in the next 2 or 3 months, I figured I could give it to Goodwill, etc. Some things I had to quietly get rid of, trust my own judgement on.
It's a difficult task to pare an entire life down to one room. My advice is to find out what is important to them, what they wouldn't mind giving away or selling, and allow them to see that all of it won't fit before you start insisting on putting it out of sight. When so much of themselves is disappearing, it's very important that their "stuff" not disappear, too.
You may have to negotiate this. But make sure she knows that you are doing this because she will be a blessed addition to the household and a contribution. If you focus on the financial aspect, she may feel like a failure to you her daughter.
God bless you.
she thinks she can do the the things she used to.my wife is going crazzy and is thinking of putting her in a home.now i know she brakes things all time and she sweeps and mops the floor and wife has to do it agian,and
she falls all time for not using her walker and my wife puts in front of her door.now the other day she stays at her son house and falls out of shower and brakes her arm knowing good and well there is no safe things there for her.my wife feels beat;en down,please help me save this
thank you anything all
Chris
I am going to give you the tough-love approach. It seems harsh but it works and truth be told it could save your mom a catastrophic illness or injury. And I say this as a Gerontologist who has worked with hundreds of families:
If you feel she is in danger by remaining alone - have a meeting with her and tell her your concerns and make your offer, ask her if she has any conditions or concerns that make her hesitate - then reassure her. Tell her, how it affects YOU when you get calls in the middle of then night or from emergency rooms and then give her a couple of days to think about before she gives you an answer.
Then if her answer is still no, tell her that you are resigning from the position she puts you in, and that you will no longer be at her beck and call. "If you think you are capable of being independent, then lets see, because I am not helping anymore, I love you but my own health and peace of mind are in danger".
This means you will not take her shopping (she can do it on her own, cab, delivery, etc). You will not pick her up from the ER (she can take a cab home). ETC. ETC. Even if the ER call you, tell them sorry, but my mom takes care of herself. (plug into this plan all the stuff that mom depends on you for)
Then wait and see. If she does ok on her own, then you were worrying for nothing, but if she starts really struggling she will see how much she has really been depending on you, and maybe realize that she has been selfish in forcing you to do it solely on her terms. You get the drift? adapt this advice to your circumstances and good luck.
p.s. here's the big finale - If she stays stubborn and eventually ends up in the hospital and when it comes time to discharge her, (you can even tell the hospital social worker your plan, they will help), and she refuses to come stay with you, then they will send her to a skilled nursing (temporarily). A short stay in a nursing home will show her whats in her future if she doesn't move in with you.