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Are you calling them for help with things around the house and/or expecting them to travel to you for regular visits? ... if so this could be his way of telling you that you are asking too for much of their time and resources. A lot of the people who come to this forum are here because they are looking for help with propping up their parent's "independence", which in reality is not independence at all.
He must have a reason for pushing for this now. Ask him what that reason is. I sure wish you the best.
I am one of those people who would never live with any of my family members, when the time comes I will check myself into Assisted Living and go from there.
I am only guessing, but my guesses are based on the most common scenarios for adult kids and their parents, including my own family. All the best!
If my parents lived in a rural area, I'd be concerned, too. We're already experiencing an extreme labor shortage, and maybe more so in less populated areas. The more you take initiative the less concerned your son will need to be.
You should definitely have a serious conversation with her son to determine why he wants you living there. It could be that you're not making a too-great demand on his time -- yet -- but that day is coming and he doesn't want to try to move you two in a crisis. I understand the desire to stay put and live as you always have, but at some point things are going to change and you won't be able to do so. Being cognizant of all the possible scenarios is good for both you and your son, so have that conversation.
Older people who are beginning to want support to maintain their quality of life need to be near their network and their services unless they are prepared to give up all independence. From your son's home, how long would it take you / how much would it cost you to get to your doctor, your dentist, your daytime activities, shopping trips, accessible parks, your podiatrist, pharmacy, optician, your hairdresser, your friends..?
Bless the boy, he probably picures you enjoying your sunset years in a rural idyll, surrounded by your loving family. Remind him that you do have a life, and that if you need support with caring for your spouse you're much more likely to be able to source it where you live now.
To my pushy daughter I would tell her, in no uncertain terms, Thanks but NO THANKS, dear. We are perfectly FINE to live alone and to take care of ourselves. I love you but NO. We are staying put where we are. But we will definitely call you if and when we need help or think we'd like to move in with you, and SO appreciate the offer.
That about covers it, I think.
Is your husband independent at all or are you doing everything? Please honestly assess your situation and make sure that you are not burning the candle at both ends. If you are, please get yourself some help so that you can have a life for yourself too. Your son may or may not be right that you need more help.
Would the living arrangements be that you are IN their house or in an in-law apartment? Huge difference.
A lot of elderly people wait too long to get the help they need when they need it. Don't be one of those people. I mean no disrespect, just laying out ideas and options.
Best of luck.
What ARE your son's reasons to move you in?
Is he planning on being his Father's caregiver now? Does he think his partner will be? Do they have 5 kids + bub on the way & would like a nanny/fairy Godmother/Grandmother to be live-in babysitter??
You said you were coping, which is great 😀If/when the time comes you both could benefit from a little extra help around the home, have you though who would do this? Has your son thought this through too?
He would be the cleaner, cook, driver, physical helper with heavy groceries & also personal care if/when required for husband (or yourself).
If you all think this could work well, then I can see how moving under his roof would make sense. But if not - home services would be used instead. Wouldn't those be more accessible where you are, rather than if rural?
I am thinking of social opportunities too. I love the solitude of a country ramble & quiet starry evenings. But I also love exercise & learning classes & socialising with people my own age. How much social life will you get in their area?
Lots to weigh up.
First see what his reasons are.
Then explain how you like to live. Compare your goals & expectations. See if they match (or not).
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