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Being you have been married 54 years, that tells me you are a senior citizen yourself, right? Next time you are at hubby's memory care facility, look around, do you see anyone of your age working there? There is a reason for that, we just cannot do it any longer. Our get up and go had gone up and went.
I am so glad you are doing volunteer work, that is super great :)) It will give you a sense of well being and being around people you can talk with. I do volunteer work and my work partner and I had a lot in common as she is dealing with very elderly in-laws and the whole in-law family are hypochondriacs.
You are feeling stronger and able to participate in volunteering etc since you have regrouped and gotten more strength. As to his question, can I come home with you? -- try to depart from him when he is fully immersed in an activity. Eating, socializing, a nap, whatever. The 'good' part of dementia is he is unlikely to remember when you left the previous day. I used to slip away from my Mom when she dozed off. Or when it was time for lunch, I would bring her to her table, encourage beverage drinking, and tell her I was going to do my grocery shopping while she ate. Never, I'll see you tomorrow. Keep us posted.
You did the right thing. If you had gone downhill much further, how much care could you honestly have given him?
If you bring him home, which you certainly could, if you really wanted...do you think suddenly you'll have energy and strength again? Go with your gut.
EVERY caregiving experience is different from the next. It's apples and oranges. I could have cared for my sweet grandmother with joy in my heart, my own mother...we wouldn't last a week.
Holidays do indeed magnify all the feelings we have--the loss of togetherness is glaring, the pain of what used to be, as opposed to what is now--I personally do not enjoy Christmas at all--and I am not alone.
Take a few weeks. Give hubby more time and take care of yourself.
My grandma kept Grandpa home until he became "violent". She always said "I just don't want him to outlive my love for him". He didn't.
All the best to you.