By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
This coronavirus pandemic will end eventually, hopefully soon, like in a month or so, I hope. For now, it's the source of his entertainment, don't take it away from him. If he's worried, then he's worried.
This pandemic is all over the news, it's everywhere, hard to avoid. It's sensationalized by the news media, like a bad car accident, so people tune in. Even if you try to persuade and distract him to do something else, he will probably return to looking at the bad car accident.
As for your relationship with him deteriorating, that is a different problem, a common problem that a lot of people on this forum discovered after moving their parents in to live with them. I was one of those people. Fortunately for me, I was able to move my mother out before she drove me insane.
What I try to do when it is really upsetting, is to look at the large number of people it is not infecting and the large number that survive. The percentage of deaths compared to those infected, etc. All that makes it more calming.
Maybe, when you get home you could sit down with him and go over those figures with him. Look at the cities the numbers are coming down in, etc.
Also, watch the amount of caffine and sugar he is on in his food and drink, to help calm him. Remind him of the polio days and how frightening that was, including the quarantines we had then, and we made it through.
Have him help you, make a batch of cookies, set the table, make the bed, unload the dryer, fold the wash. All things that will take up some of the worry time and he will feel so needed. Also try playing Big Band music from the 40s on your Alexa, if you have one. That music has done wonders in our house. It's happy music and calming for our age.
But charting is a part of him and that's ok, just guide him to the right charts. Blessings to you.
He is older then you, has experienced so much more, so I am sure he does or feels he does know more then you. That's ok. Give him credit for that and don't argue with him. Ask him more about it. It's how you react. It really works.
He's living through a personal, national, and international catastrophe, and he feels completely sidelined. Subconsciously he may feel that the only thing he can "do" is gather information. Oh, and the other things he can do are to worry and report. So that what he is doing.
I like the idea of asking him for even _more_ detailed information. He could research stats about particular cities (including percentages of the populace, not just numbers of deaths). I would also ask him about recoveries, mild cases, asymptomatic cases, new research on treatments....If you can't beat him, it might be just as well to let him be your resident expert.
Down the line, if he continues to disrespect you in your own home, you may have other courses of action to ponder, but right now weathering the crisis of the hour is maybe about all you can do. If you are able to enlist any help from your husband by having him help with beguiling the hours cheerfully chatting about death and destruction with Dad, that could ease your mental exhaustion. And, you might mention to your husband that if Dad is particularly dismissive of you at some point, you would not be offended if your husband reminds Dad that "she may be your daughter, but she is _my_ wife, and _nobody_ treats my wife that way."
These are just thoughts.
He's worried about the nurses, but, obliquely, he is probably worried about you and your husband too, because you go to work "out there, where the virus is." I would not take his computer away. Even if it seems obsessive, right now it is how he is processing,
Maybe look at things in a different way, and just try and not let him or his interests bother you.
Good luck
See All Answers