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I have durable power of attorney for my parents and I find the lucid moments to discuss items with them. They live at home, have a split floor plan house. My father cannot sleep flat so has been in a sleep chair in the living room for months and will not be sleeping elsewhere...he LOVES it! My mother fell recently and was in Hospice care until recently (yes, they can graduate out!). The caregivers (3 rotate a 24 hour schedule) have a room in the house to take breaks etc. The primary bedroom is on the opposite part of the house than the ADA bathroom and care room.
I coaxed my mother into the bedroom next to the care room so her many trips to the bathroom at night could be supervised without waking my father. I have some TMI stories that would make it clear the move needed to be made. AND I needed to be sure my mom AND my dad would be OK with it. I am in the house two weeks every month to take care of financials and items with the house...there is always something...(I work remotely anyway). My husband and I are in the house now (Thanksgiving through Christmas), both working remotely, so we used that as an excuse to get started - we needed the bigger room.
How did I coax? I reassured my mother that her dresser, her paintings, her jewelry (not expensive and more decorative on the wall) would all be in the room. We would move the clothes she wears, etc. Talking about the detailed items that were important was important in itself to identify exactly what was important. My husband made sure the paintings were where she wanted.
My dad (stroke disabled left side) was a little harder since he thought he was losing privacy (from the living room! I laughed inside). His issue is still the use of the ADA bathroom. It's the only place they can shower, but have to be separate shower times :-). He's OK with the night stuff since there is no conflict LOL. But during the day, the circus sound (his call button sound) goes off and my mom will sometimes wake up from her nap and want the bathroom at the same time. She can use the primary bathroom so the caregiver will often kindly offer that option (makes her walk farther with the walker too). My mom's call button sounds like a lady in distress from the old movies. (I fixed that this trip too - used to be a doorbell type sound for both and my mother would ask who was at the door.)
My point is, use what you can from a positive, little bit new mostly comfortable standpoint. Come at it from HER standpoint. Why would SHE WANT to move? You'll figure it out one moment at a time. It is important she agree, even for just one moment in time that you can go back to. Not arguing, just stating facts..."this is what we agreed to"
Moving to the full bed with only one side worked wonders. Everyone sleeps more soundly. Again, little things can make a big difference in the end. Take the time, we and they don't have to like what needs to be done, just need to live with it.
Is she still living at home?
Your first thing to do is to relocate her.
Either Memory Care facility or your house (or other relative that will care for her)
Once she is out of the house then you can do what you need to do. Most likely selling the condo (for fair market value) and I am guessing placing that in a fund to pay for her care.
With dementia you will have little luck telling her that it will be sold and her understanding the why's. And she will constantly ask to return home. (please do not keep telling her that it was sold, use some other verbiage like "you can return home when the doctor says you can" OR "this is home now, you are safe here"
I was not going to tell my mother.
My sister thought I was wrong and told my mother that the house was up for sale. It was VERY traumatic for Mom. My mother attempted to walk home because of my sister telling her . Fortunately the staff at AL stopped Mom .
It would have been kinder to continue to let my mother think that she may go “ home someday “ and keep coming up with therapeutic lies .
What is her cognitive functioning? Dementia?
Who are you? in relation to this person?
Why do you want to sell it?
I do not understand why / what 'a person's profile says' has to do with a specific question asked here. Are we supposed to research the person asking a question to find out more about who they are and what their needs are ?
I read these questions and answer accordingly.
I strongly encourage anyone here asking a question to provide us all the information in order to make a reasonable, thoughtful, and hopefully helpful response. Rather than, perhaps, expecting or requiring us to re-searach and read your profile.
Perhaps the application (AgingCare) / website needs tweaking - so we could read the question WITH the profile next to it.
We (or I) need more information to respond.
Gena / Touch Matters
My Mom was in a small AL when I put her house up for sale. I never told her. No reason to. She would never go home. She had what she needed at the AL. I was the only one of 3 kids that could clean out her house and I did it. One brothers wife wanted a couple of things. The other brother wasn't interested. I had 3 boxes that when I came to pictures or items I thought my brothers would want, I thru them in the box.
When Dementia is involved, there is no more asking them what they want. They can no longer make those types of decisions. So you do. You just do what you think is best.
Therapeutic fibs are your friend. You don't try to get buy-in from her. You don't tell her what's happening. She's no longer able to process it as if she had all her prior abilities of logic, reason, judgment and memory.
If she's going into a care facility, the admins can help you transition her using a therapeutic fib (she's going there for PT, or a temp stay while the condo is getting a new furnace or water heater, whatever narrative you think she'll accept).
If indeed she is, then her dementia is to the extent where you can certainly forgive her grieving this, for it is worth grieving.
Life is full of heartbreaks we must grieve. Allow her that.
If she is not incompetent, of course, you have no right, even as POA to sell anything she owns against her wishes.
A Power of Attorney does not give someone the right to usurp the decisions of the principle, or act against their preferences.
"Your agent must act in accordance with your wishes as long as you have the mental capacity to make your own decisions. If you lose that capacity, your agent should attempt to do what you would have wished if you still had the capacity to act."
In addition, the document will specify the kinds of decisions being entrusted to the POA. You have to read the document to know what is covered.