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Unfortunately it sounds like you're dealing with several complex health issues plus the added insurance dilemma. No wonder you're worn out. Do you have a physician yourself that could talk to you about being a caregiver?
I can only speak from my own experiences with my husband and like someone said ever person is different but here's what we've learned so far.
His screaming, yelling and thrashing at night is REM sleep disorder and is often seen way ahead of a dx of Lewy Body dementia. The hallucinations sometimes are an early symptom of LBD.
Hopefully when Grandma's insurance gets in place you can find a neurologist that's knowledgeable of this complex disease.
Good luck to you and your Grandma.🙏
As I said in ur first post, her children should be handling this. If they don't want to do the care she needs to be placed.
Once she is in the ER talk to the staff and tell them she is an unsafe discharge. Also request to talk to a social worker. If you are not your grandma's PoA then you don't have enough legal power to make decisions for her or get her the care she requires even when she rejects it. Make sure you tell them you're not her caregiver and you cannot keep having sleepless nights since you have a day job and there's no money to pay for care. Social services will hopefully be able to transition her directly into a facility, or maybe move her to the psych wing to get her on the right medications so that she is less agitated and not hallucinating. If she does have a UTI she will need to cooperate and take the antibiotics.
Most on this forum will unanimously tell you to NOT take her back home -- she needs more care than you can provide or afford. DO NOT believe the hospital if they promise to "help" you once she gets home... nope, they just need her out. Been there, done that. Make sure no other family member goes to get her.
This will feel awful for a while until she is stabilized and transitioned into the right level of care. Do not feel guilty... this is how dementia can be and you're doing the best you can for her with your limited resources.
So your grandma has dementia and you've apparently not sought the advice of a doctor for what she's going through. To me it sounds like she's sundowning, and they do have medications out there for that.
And one of the worst thing anyone over 60 can take is Benadryl, as that actually has been linked to causing dementia in those over that age, so please stop giving that to her.
And I can only guess that any of the over the counter sleep aides are just as dangerous for the elderly.
PLEASE have whoever is grandmas POA(power of attorney)get her to the doctor so she can be treated with the proper medications and you can get some much needed sleep.
Your grandma is only going to get worse as her dementia progresses, so she may need to be placed in the appropriate facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her granddaughter.
Definitely get help from doctors, different meds or something. But in the meantime I would try make as little deal of it as you can. If she sees someone or something that's not there , just brush it off, don't make a huge deal about it. I feel that when they see they are getting attention from something, it makes it all the worse. Very much like children
Do not try over the counter meds.
She needs prescription meds.