By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Sometimes, I think that, as painful as it is for us to watch, we have to accept that our loved one is having a very difficult time for good reason. Pushing him to be more social when he hasn't ever been social may just frustrate him. He needs to be loved as he is (and I know he is but he needs to feel it). With time, he may come to accept these physical limitations, but he's grieving these losses.
Counseling could help some people but my feeling is that this isn't something he'd try. As long as he's seeing the right doctors, my opinion - and this is only my opinion - is that he needs time and space and love. Given that, he may become more active but he's not likely to become what he isn't just to please others.
It's hard to watch this, I know. We want the best for those we love. But they need understanding and support.
Take care of yourself - this is hard on you, too.
Carol
Maybe more PT and OT would increase his self-esteem. He sounds defeated.
You can't push your dad into social situations if he doesn't want to participate and feeling depressed will keep him isolated as well. Is the depression being treated by a Dr.? Is your dad on an anti-depressant?
In my very early teens, I became a ward of the state after being rescued from an abusive home where my parents were abusing me. I was also antisocial because I was picked on by the other kids my age. This caused me to withdraw to myself and stay in my room most of the time. Fortunately I had a private room and spent most of my time alone until the staff started trying to roust me out of my room and they started trying to force me to socialize with people I simply didn't get along with. That made me violent because of how socialization with people I didn't get along too was being forced upon me when I really didn't want it. I was trying to avoid people I didn't get along with, not get in a situation where I can be picked on even more. The reason why I had to end up with the drawing is because I finally got to my human wits end where I just couldn't handle the bullying, and as a result of bullying I started physically attacking the bullies. The workers were actually making matters worse by also bullying me. This made me lash out at them as well as the bullies. There was a certain amount of corruption in the state placement, and every resident was drugged. With everything compounded, it was actually a terrible mess. Forcing someone into being social with someone they don't get along with that's actually bullying them only makes matters worse when the victim is trying to avoid the bullies.
I hope my past situation will help you think twice before considering forcing your dad to socialize if he doesn't want to because it really can have very nasty consequences if you force him because anyone who's forced into a situation they don't want to be in for safety reasons is most likely to become very combative, especially if there happens to be danger lurking somewhere. You don't want to force your dad to socialize if there may be someone he knows about who happens to not have his best interest at heart. Sometimes people stay to themselves as a way to protect themselves, call it self-preservation. One good reason why some people stay to themselves is past rejection forced upon them by others, especially if they are not popular in the area where they live. Sometimes people become wrongful targets even if they haven't done anything wrong, and easy targets are often people who live and travel alone. Sometimes people have very good legitimate reasons for not socializing much, and this would be a very good reason to find out why because it may be that your dad has actually faced wrongful rejection somewhere. That would be a very good time to find out something and use my experience as an example of why some people won't socialize, because there's usually a very good reason why.
I suggested she go to the seniors centre ... no way "It's full of old people" ... she was 84 at the time. I took her there, we looked around, lovely and many activities but she wouldn't go ... too far ... I'll drive you (it as just down the road) - excuses, excuses, excuses, yet we had the daily I'm bored, I'm lonely, wah, wah, wah.
See All Answers