By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
If you sense your sister might be in on this with her, I'd share the plan. If not, I'd tell her the same therapeutic fib you are gonna use with Mom to deflect Sister and Mom ganging up on you for not doing your part. Your part is really what you want it to be, and right now it is excessive.
I used to be a teacher, and then a student teaching supervisor. The Pandemic put an end to that. I also was a recreational pilot, but that had to go too. I am grateful for all my blessings, still, it so so difficult, as I just feel so stuck. Thanks for listening.
Is she in an independent living community of some sort? Is there a possibility for more services through them? I am surprised at her age that she has no major health issues. Do you and your sister do her finances and shopping because she can't or she won't? Your mom could live for quite awhile so it's time for you to start looking out for #1 - you. Do some research on how to set boundaries and start enforcing them.
How does your sister feel? Is she burnt out too? Maybe talk to her about your plan to start cutting back. I'd tell her that you do not want her to have to do more because you want to do less. You instead would like to help find services that can do some of this work so you have more time to enjoy your retirement with your hubby while you're still able to do so!
As far as all the complaining, it's certainly draining. My mom lives with me and probably 80% of what comes out of her mouth complaining or some other form of negativity. Ugh, it's just dreadful. So, how about talking to her less? Or when she starts up say something about how you have someone at the door or whatever little white lie and get off the phone. You can even tell her that when the complaining starts, you're getting off the phone.
It is up to YOU to get your old life back. You miss it and you deserve it. So do it!
Good luck.
Good luck.
I can never tell my mother anything good that had happened to me. She will just get jealous. I am serious. It is so sad. She has always been that way.
It does end, and when you least expect it, sometimes. I was emotionally exhausted at the end too, all alone with their care for 10+ years, a mother with lots of mental health conditions and VERY self absorbed, too. It's not easy, that's for sure. I listened to chronic complaining for all those years, from mom, dad was a sweetheart really. I cut down my calls as a result, which I suggest you do too. I also suggest you tell your mother she has no other choice but to move into Assisted Living now as you and your siblings have NO TIME to take her to any more appointments and in AL, the doctor will come to HER. At 95, she has no business living in IL anymore. It's only a matter of time before some crisis will hit her and then what? You'll be in the position I was in to EMERGENCY move her into AL from IL and figure out how to get rid of all of her furniture and stuff. Mom doesn't get to make ALL of her decisions anymore b/c guess why? It's YOU and your SIBLINGS having to schlep her around to all these appointments now, due to her stubborn refusal to move! And you can't do that anymore, mom, so here's the new plan: you move to AL or you figure out how YOU are going to do EVERYTHING for YOURSELF now, with NO HELP. It takes ONE FALL for her 'perfect health' to be a thing of the past. Trust me on that. And then it's you and the siblings scrambling like maniacs to figure out what to do next. You all are propping her UP to PRETEND she's living independently when she's NOT. You're doing her finances, her shopping, driving, etc. You stop doing that, mother is now 100% DEPENDENT. Stop being her fall back cushion, and AL is her only choice. Then, when she needs help, it's right there and that lets YOU off the hook to live your life to a larger degree.
Wishing you the best of luck.