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You’ve got to get out of there. Your kid doesn’t need memories of his mom getting hit. It sounds like abuse has been a problem in your family for generations. You have the power to stop it. Your kid doesn’t have to relive what you did!
It’s sad grandma is like this, but it’s her loss. You can’t make her become a better person or finally love you. Maybe you’re trying to hold on to any sense of love or what family you have left? You were looking for genuine love with your son’s father,.. since you are not living together I am guessing he is not around? I’m sure you love your son dearly and want him to have a stable, happy childhood. The childhood you deserved too, but didn’t get. You can do this!
Hanging on isn’t going to fix this. Create a new family with your son.
So sorry for the loss of your parents. You have a child that you are responsible for now. Don’t bring her up in a toxic relationship.
I know that you must long for the relationship that you once had with her but that is over. Seek professional help to accept the situation for what it is and help you walk away if you feel like you can’t do that on your own.
Best of luck to you. Take care.
At 22, you need your independence. You need time to establish life on your terms for you and your young family. I think that is the bigger picture for you to focus on.
Contact your county to find out what's available for battered women and recognize that you may have to accept assistance while you're establishing yourself. Don't be hesitant about that; funds may be allocated for just these kind of situations.
Unfortunately, this is a bad time for job hunting, but you wouldn't be the first woman to have to accept a less than desirable job to get a foothold into a new life. You may have to have a few part time jobs to make ends meet, but recognize that these are steps to a long term goal of independence and self reliance. Keep that goal in mind, and never forget it.
I anticipate that you'll face problems, b/c you've acclimated to accepting the abuse, but that needs to change, and as soon as possible. If you can also find a support group for battered women, attend meetings and bond with others facing similar situations.
This won't be easy; expect challenges, disappointment, and perhaps even consideration about just giving up and moving back with Grandma, but remember that you're responsible for yourself and for your son, and you owe to each of you to find a better life.
Good luck, and best wishes for success.