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Do you have POA so that you can use her funds to hire aides?
Your siblings are doing what they choose to. They are not obligated to do more.
Some folks are not cut out to be caregivers. Others tightly prioritize their spouses and children over care for an elder.
Whatever their reason is for scheduling through your mom rather than confront them I might go for a preemptive and subtle approach, “sibling are you able to come next week same times? Mom often forgets to tell me when you need to change and then I have to cancel plans” and when you need to do something or just need a break “sibling I really need help on (date and time) could you come stay with Mom?”. Better yet sit down and have a conversation with all the siblings and say “Mom is needing more and more help and I can’t manage it alone anymore so I would like to hire some help” see what they say, if they offer to come more often, great, if they don’t it will be hard for them to say no to bringing someone in and then figuring out how to pay for it. Make them part of it all and part of solving the problem as well.
I have been caring for my Mother for the past almost 4 years with very little help if any from them. I decided early on to use Moms money (I'm POA), to hire help. My Mom is easily to care for as of now, however, she just turned 89 and I am preparing for her decline and move to a facility if needed.
I have sacrificed for my Mom to care for her (my choice) but I will not give up my own life to do so. Please consider that this is all on you, don't think they will help more eventually because it will actually be less. Do what is right for you and your Mom. If she can't afford in home help then a facility should be your next step.
I wish you the best and I understand how difficult it all is to handle. Take comfort in knowing you are NOT alone.
If she is hospitalized, do not take her home. Have her transferred to a NH from the Hospital. You have done enough. You are older now too and just can't do it all anymore. Sisters are the smart ones.
The truth is no one is obligated to do this at all including you . So help will need to be hired using your mother’s money to give you relief or Mom needs to be placed in a facility . Your mother’s needs are increasing and is too much for one person to handle .
Going via a third party is not. It can hinders good communication, add confusion. (I was told that by a Social Worker).
While you can't directly change how your siblings communicate, hopfully by using an open & clear communication style yourself it may rub off?
".. they ignore the request".
All behaviour is communication.
Ignoring your requests may be forgetfullness or flakey, but could be purposeful eg Be a way of saying "No" to you without the awkward conversation.
I'll be blunt here, check in with yourself to reflect on your requests. That the recipient is free to say yes or no.
If you do need more help, more help than family (whether supportive or flakey) can give - it is time to consider paid helpers.
And that's OK! Caring for elders can be a job too big for just family. Many families really struggle with that concept. They hold values of *family helps family*. Yes, lovely, but it depends how big your family is!! Got 10 siblings, all living nearby, all with the time, skill, apptitude & own health for caregiving? (I sure don't).
Suggest to phone each other DIRECTLY with requests & swaps. Or txt. So easy to txt these days. Get a group chat going. Every request openly able to be read, not confuddled by Mom or manipulated so easilty.
Start a group txt 'Team Mom' today 😀
You might have to use your mother's money to hire a caregiver, or place her in either AL or MC.
Sometimes caregivers get too wrapped up in caring for another and they forget that they have a life of their own, whereas others are more dedicated to their own spouse/family.