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Oh my! I would be so confused! My mom is different in some ways, and an exaggerated version of herself at other times. If I didn't get argument back, I would not know what to do! My mom and I are perfectionists. Now that she makes mistakes that are not her fault, I keep getting confused. I want to correct her and admonish her for her mistakes, as she would to me, but that doesn't make sense; and now she makes more mistakes. She does, however, still correct me, and is sometimes wrong, but no less harsh. I learned to be passive aggressive from her. Now that I'm trying to learn to be more assertive, I don't want to put up with that stuff anymore, but she was never going to change anyway, even long before. Being blamed for so much still stings. Additionally, I am a highly sensitive person (HSP) and our brains work differently. I like the insight, observation and prediction abilities it gives me, but it is not respected in western cultures, and adds to the difficulty.
The Fri-Mon caregiver is lovely, very low-key. What a day of mishaps though. First, the aide sat on the IKEA bed I built for her and it broke!! I mean, she is large, but not massive. Poor thing was very embarrassed, as was I. Maybe I put it together wrong--oy. So I've ordered a box spring.
Later, I crawled under the hospital bed to plug in a lamp and my mom started lowering it!! I was almost crushed to death. Fortunately, I survived. Yeesh.
I stayed over (in an extra bed in my mom's room) and was happy that she slept soundly through the night. (I feel like I have a new baby.)
Now I am home and very glad to be here myself. Hoping all goes well. No call from anyone yet, so that's a good sign. At the SNF, my mom called me countless times per day.
Thanks for all the support! I hope to offer more to others as they go through this stuff.
@ Babalou: Are you a fan of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by any chance? (The "large friendly letters" made me laugh out loud!)
People with any kind of cognitive impairment need reminders. Old habits and patterns of thought die hard. Even BEFORE her stroke, mom would call my brother about broken items in her Independent Living apartment, and me about other issues. " Tell the staff", we'd remind her. We made her a laminated sign that said that, in large friendly letters.
After my mother in laws stroke, she kept trying to get out of bed in the nh. My bil, a scuba diver, made her a large sign with a shark that said " the shark will get you if you try to get put of bed". She'd laugh, and remember what her son had said about how dangerous it would be to try, as dangerous as it is when HE encounters sharks.
One more thing. Anyone here can tell you that I'm a big fan of psychopharmacology. My experience has been that even just the beginning of of cognitive impairment brings on terrible anxiety. Anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds have made my mom's life liveable. She's not doped up. She's just not agitated anymore. You might want to talk to mom's docs about this expecially for the move.
You've got an ambulette service moving her, yes? Let them manage her. You take the subway. At least for me, i always need an escape hatch and i want the ambulette folks to do the wheelchair management, otherwise, my mom assumes I'm going to do all the heavy lifting and my knees don't do that stuff anymore. If possible have her new aide meet you at rehab and have HER ride in the ambulette. If not, have her meet you at mom's.
Maybe it would help to emphasize the progress she's made. For the past 4 months she has had to be where many people with specialized skills have been available to help her. Now she has progressed to the point where she needs only one person around, and it can be in her own home. That is truly wonderful. You are so glad that she doesn't need to be in a skilled nursing facility permanently. Who know what progress she may make in the future? But for now you are thrilled that she can get along with one helper, to get in and out of bed, etc.
I say this MIGHT help ... but her denial may be stronger than her logic at this point.
Try to be patient. Babalou has some additional practical suggestions that might help.
That's my take on it. Perhaps other posters will have other thoughts.
In terms of dealing with her phone calls and questions, can she comprehend what she reads? Type her an explanation ( simple sentences...you had acstroke. It's not safe for you to be alone).
You need to make sure that the home aides understand that they can't leave if she "fires" them. Make sure her building management knows that even if she calls 911 to have the aides arrested, they can't leave.