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Your answer depends on the person you’re referring to, if there’s dementia, there is no expectation of them being able to understand or make a sound judgment. If there is unrealistic expectation of you providing care beyond your capabilities, you’ll have to be honest in saying you cannot sustain the level of care required in a home setting. I wish you peace and clarity in making the best decision in the situation
I was appreciative and courteous while in the facility.
When insurance cut off paying, which I had no hand in, the administration, notably the business manager and administrator acted like I did. Both turned nasty and wanted to discharge on one of the coldest days in NE Ohio, all without proper 30 day notice.
The SW wanted to make a name for himself, with the higher ups, so he did all he could to give them (and him) a chance to win. Appeal of discharge was scheduled, first they had almost 2 days to prepare, me, 2 hours (hand delivered by the one that was supposed to be for the residents, the SW). Then, during the hearing the reason for discharge changed from not needing the services anymore to non payment. The discharge to notice was to another facility, knowing that I would be quickly discharged from there. (that would be my problem, important I was out of the building)
They lost the appeal. Instead of the SW being supportive, he was upset that they lost, and begrudgingly delivered the notice as such. Even with that, he still wanted to get me out of the building ASAP, with trying to get me to go to a group home (no visit, little time to ask questions). Unfortunately for he, the owner was out of the country in Costa Rica and would not be back for a few days. No group home, he tried with another group home owner, no luck. I asked for a copy of any assistance programs, to help, he curtly said no to any copy.
I made the mistake of not trying for another appeal (even if I lost) which played into their hands. End result, no discharge planning or anything. Day of discharge, had to be out at 4PM, no transportation arranged, no assistance to pack my belongings, not even a goodbye or help to put my belongings in the UBER.
No proper discharge planning, no meeting with doctors, physical therapists, etc. Had to guess how I'm doing health wise.
So, yes, Daughter1930, if this makes me a hater of the facilities, then so be it. Again, I wouldn't put my worst enemy in one.
I agree that you can’t convince anyone to go to AL. You need to just bite the bullet and sign her up. It’s heart-wrenching to hear our mother berate us after caring for her for 26 years since our dad passed, so plan for that. Wishing you all the best.
If they are still competent enough to make this decision and they choose to stay at home, then you let them - until they deteriorate and it is no longer their decision.
If you are feeling burdened because you are taking care of them, then stop!
If you don't feel you can (or should) do things for them anymore, don't.
This gives them a false sense of independence. As long as they have you - or someone - doing things for them to make life easier, they will continue to deny they need help.
I have had NO relatives leave their homes willingly .
Quite honestly, you cannot convince anyONE of anyTHING.
Nursing home is a general term people use like "band-aid, xerox and depends" these have all become generic terms.
Nursing Home, do you mean Skilled Nursing facility? Does the person have a chronic medical condition that requires medical care?
OR
Memory Care, the person has dementia of some type and you can no longer care for them or it is no longer safe for them to live alone or where they currently are living?
OR
Assisted Living, the person needs some help with ADL's (Activities of Daily Living) and can not either remain at home with a caregiver or family can no longer help as much as is needed.
The only one where a possible "forced" move can be done is into Memory Care, the person no longer has the capacity to make sound decisions when it comes to their safety and their care.
The POA or Guardian makes the decision to place the person on a MC facility.
If the person has not been declared incompetent then they get to make the decision if they want to move to a facility that will meet their care needs.
If you are a family member that has been "helping" this person to remain in their home and you can no longer "help" then you step back and if need be you call APS and report that this person is a "vulnerable senior" and they will follow up. If you can no longer help and the person is taken to the hospital you make it clear that to discharge them to home is unsafe as there is no one to help care for them the hospital can not discharge unless there is a plan for a safe release.
Another is hospitalization and a Rehab stay. In Rehab you ask for a 24/7 evaluation. If found the person is now 24 /7 care, then you tell the Social Worker that its an "unsafe discharge" to return them home because there is no one to care for them. If they try to discharge, do not pick the person up. As soon as you walk through the doors with them, they are your responsibility. Don't let them tell u there is help, there isn't, not help u can get right away.
Some Rehabs have LTC attached. The patient can be transfered easily. They private pay for the care or if no money you apply for Medicaid.