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If you are in Tucson I can give you the name of a CELA. If not, go to www.nelf.org and you can find one near you. Arizona has lots of attorneys that claim elder law but, not really elder law attorneys, estate would be a closer description. Just a heads up from my experience.
Your mother pays for the building work (assuming it’s permitted), but wants care within 5 years and Medicaid look-back treats it as a gift. BUT if M doesn’t pay, the money is still in her bank account and it is counted by Medicaid, just as the gift would be counted. Would that have been any better?
M pays, and her health and your relationship stays good for 10 years. But after 80, to stay in the building M needs more care than you can easily provide or than she can pay for. And the building needs more steps (which is typical). M now resents the ‘gift’ she made for the building work. That money would give her more options now. In her mind, it was for permanent care. In your mind, ‘permanent’ was never even considered. Looking back after 10 years on that scenario, what do you think would have worked out better?
Perhaps you pay for the building work now, taking out a loan for it if necessary, then charge rent for occupancy and a care charge for what you do? Even back rent for the space in the house, which has been provided free up to now? It all makes the loan more workable. Even talking about that is quite stressful. It’s so different from how things have been done up to now.
Because the current arrangement has to change, you opt for Independent Living or Assisted Living. Both are much more expensive and not as good as the way things are now. Even after 10 years, M doesn’t really need them. Looking back, what would have been better?
Without a magic mirror, there are no guaranteed answers here!
I say don’t do it .
I don't think you should do this. You are just beginning to know what all caregivers come to know, things will get a good deal worse. Soon you will be 24/7 hated caregiver unable to do a job. Think about it.
Let your Mom stay as long as you like, but do not take her money other than on a care contract you do with an attorney that stipulates how much monthly your mother will pay for her transportation, food, shared living costs on mortgage (and mortgage loans you may choose to take out to build this addition), and how much paid for anything other you do. Also stipulate how often you, hubby and mother (and any younger children in the household) will assess if this in home situation is working FOR ALL INVOLVED. When it is not working for ONE then it is out and mother goes into care. She will need her finances for decent care, not be put in a Medicaid financed nursing home while you enjoy your new addition.
See an attorney, also , for any questions of this sort because if you do it wrong it is awful and often cannot be fixed. A forum of caregivers may give advice that is wrong, irrelevant for your state and etc.
Sure wish you the best of luck. I think there are a lot of decisions in your future.
Please read posts from others here who got hooked into similar miserable situations. They all thought it would work. It rarely does.
There are so many lovely independent and assisted living places where MIL can have activities and friends her own age. Visit some.
I would not even entertain a plan like this, but if you do -- go into it with your eyes wide open. There very minimum stipulation would be that she assigns one of you as her PoA and also Pre-need Guardian, and agrees to annual cognitive testing (for free through Medicare, annually).
You can consult with a Medicaid Planner for AZ to get better and more current/accurate info than from an anonymous global forum where there's no accountability.
She is 70 but not in great health. Like you said, we have no idea what the future holds.
She is healthy and does not need to live with you and your family, worrying about "What If's" is a a total waste of time.
When she can no longer be on her own you can address the issue at that time.