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This forum can guide you with certain issues but this is best left to a professional since laws vary in each state.
Good luck with this difficult situation.
Have we taken his advice? Not yet. We are thinking about selling the house as it is way too big for us. Then we could buy a condo or townhome.
the atty also said as a last resort, we could get divorced and divide the assets before he goes into a facility. I don’t think I could do that. But it is an option.
don’t try to figure it out yourself. You need professional advice.
I see from your profile you are in SC. If you can not find a highly qualified atty nearby, with a free consultation, I highly recommend a trip to Lexington: Chasity Stratton at https://www.strattonreynolds.com/ Even if you don't use her, the website has a lot of insightful info as it applies to SC.
We consulted her and only paid once we agreed for her to provide certain services she offered... we could have walked away without hiring her at all. She is up on the latest law changes in SC. I was very impressed with her advice and felt our money was very well spent. She helped us prepare for the eventual need for VA and/or Medicaid benefits as well as probate issues which fortunately we haven't had to use any of these yet. Private message me if you would like more information.
Also, timing is important also. If you ever needed your spouse to qualify for Medicaid, Medicaid has a 5 yr look back for assets, for example you can’t “gift” assets to a loved one or friend within 5 yrs of applying for Medicaid. Medicaid will want those funds back to pay for your husbands care before Medicaid assistance will kick in. So you need to start protecting your assets now.
Again, there are many rules and they vary by state, so you see how a specialist attorney is needed to help you navigate through all this.
And unless something medical happens where he needs nursing care a "nursing home" will not be the first step.
The terms for facilities would be
Independent Living. Not what you would be looking at.
Assisted Living. I strongly advise against AL for a person with dementia as the AL is not a locked facility a person can wander out.
Memory Care. For people that have cognitive issues and may wander.
Skilled Nursing. For anyone of any cognition that needs some type of medical / nursing care. (anyone needing equipment to transfer them, anyone with any "tubes" and in many places anyone on oxygen)
If life savings is considerable amount, you need to talk to elder atty who can explain how long you might be self pay for husband's NH care and at what point Medicaid would kick in. Lots of other things could come in to play, so seek legal council. Rules can be confusing and detailed. Atty can help you prevent costly errors and explain how it works in your state.