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And you can collect SS disability without having work earnings. Many challenged children get it based on parents earnings when they turn 18. My disabled nephew, from birth, got it in his early 20s. He had not worked 10 yrs.
You cannot care for Mom find her a place. Your memory problems maybe caused by stress and caring for Mom will just add to that stress.
Your son needscto take advantage of what is out there. Whatvis he going to do if something happens to you.
Reconsider caring for your 86 year old mother. She can receive care at the expense of the state. If you are not coping too well, the chances are that they will do it as well or better than you can.
You have been caring for your son at home for 13 years, since he was 16. If that was when he left school, there should have been some help available to get him into employment. You say that he has ‘anxiety, depression, mobility problems, and sleep disorder’, which may not qualify him for any type of pension or benefit. Perhaps that’s why he won’t leave the house to be assessed. Reconsider ‘caring’ for him.
You are very angry about your past employment, which is yet another problem.
See if you can get some counseling about how to go forward with your own life. When and if you sort out your own problems, you will be in a better position to help the rest of your family - if you want to.
I think the question should be how to get your son to live a productive life, and create less burden for you?