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Early on when it was "safe" to leave him home I wold get in the car and drive.
Later on I would go outside and work a bit in the yard, coming in to check on him a few times. OR I would leave the room. It gave me space and a few minutes to calm myself. I recall one time it was getting frustrating he wanted to "help" in the kitchen, he actually wanted to eat dinner but it was not ready and he was in the way of my working. I asked him to sit, I would get him something to drink and a "snack" and he refused to move. (at that time he was using a HUGE walker and he was over 6 foot and well over 250) I just started to laugh, and laugh then he started to laugh and I was able to get him to sit so I could finish. I think the laughter was so unexpected that it took him by surprise and he forgot what he wanted to do. So bottom line...try laughing at the situation. You have to admit some of the stuff "we" and "they" get focused on is funny. Not just that but a good laugh feels good and you get the bonus of positive endorphins bombarding you.
Oh there were times I yelled then cried. I cried as I apologized and hoped that he would somehow understand the apology and the tears.
Forgive yourself. I am sure he would understand. And I am sure you did not "loose" it out of anger but frustration.
A facilitator gave the group a paper with some statistics on it and I know I am not going to get the numbers correct but it does not matter for this. It was something like this. 75% of caregivers admit that they have gotten angry at the person they are caring for and that it is normal to feel that way. My comment to the group was Yeah 75% admit that they have been angry and 25% lied for the survey. No one can say that they have not lost their temper when caring for someone. It is human nature to express emotion and anger and frustration are emotions.
The breaking point is when or if that anger and frustration becomes abuse either verbal or physical. That is not acceptable and some people need help in voicing and controlling the anger and frustration.
Caring for your husband must be so very difficult. Try to step back and see the bigger picture, which is that you are burning yourself out and his needs are only going to increase. Reaching out for help - including on this forum - is a good first step toward figuring things out and regaining control.
Please know that you are allowed to take time for yourself.
You are allowed to care for yourself.
You are allowed to tend to your own needs.
You are allowed to prioritize your husband's needs after meeting your own needs.
You are allowed to be a flawed human being.
You are allowed to get yourself help in caring for your husband.
You are allowed to be selfish.
You are allowed to preserve your own sanity.
You are allowed to refocus and change things so that caregiving works for you.
You are allowed to decide that you no longer can care for Gene at home.
Your husband does not deserve to be yelled at and you should not have to provide 24/7 care.
There may come a time when you no longer have the capacity to look after him at home.
You will need social support. Friends, family. Burnout and enormous stress is very real. Someone you can trust to watch your loved one for a while as well.
Don't feel guilty--you are human. Not Jesus walking on water. Forgive yourself and think of the multiple times you are with them. My mom was very hard to care for but everyday I appreciated the fact she was still with me. When mom died 5 months ago I never stopped crying and miss her everyday. I feel very empty without her. But I won't have to worry about her either and people do die. that's what people are supposed to do. It's natural.
Don't beat yourself up instead say.
I am human and I make mistakes
I will do better.Apologize and explain the best you can what happened.Get some help as well because your deserve a break for your mental and physical well being.
he is 80 and I am 77. I’m sure I will go crazy😃!!!
comic relief makes things better. Some times I dance for him he loves it
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