By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
When she says "Why didn't you tell me??" you can smile sweetly and say, "We were going to tell you when we saw you, but we just never see you anymore."
And you can limit who is allowed to see your MIL.
Allow "Debbie" but not a gaggle of people.
Tell Cousin Debbie as nicely as you can. When she has more to say than you want to hear tell her that you are sorry for her grief over this, that you are ALL grieving it. That this isn't open for opinion or discussion. That there is quite enough on your plates now. Do tell her you hope she will visit, and to be a positive presence in your Mom's life; that she is WELCOME TO VISIT as long as she can stay within that boundary. Wish her well. And that is the end. Tell her that you do not wish to argue or even discuss this with her. Wish her well and hang up.
Again, I am thankful you understand your limitations. Not everything can be happy all the time at ANY point in life, and certainly not at this point. Some of it is going to bring tears. Is this loss after loss after loss not worth the grieving? Allow the tears to come; they will wash everything out.
My best to you. My heart goes out to you both. To ALL of you.
Don't bother HAVING a conversation with this armchair critic, she doesn't deserve your time or the stress you're suffering over it. Do what you feel is necessary and IF she contacts YOU, then you tell her where MIL has moved to, IF you feel like it. We owe these cousins precisely what they've given US over the years: BUPKUS.
Wishing you the best of luck with the upcoming move. I hope your MIL adjusts well to new accommodations.
Thank you for your advice!
I think that I would not tell her until it is a done deal and I would wait several months before I told her where she was.
If she questions you at church, tell her you got a professional to help your MIL. Period! You don't owe her any explanations or justifications for what you both feel is the best care situation for your MIL/his mom. Sometimes just looking at someone with her audacity and not saying a word is most effective.
I guess I am ornery, because I would call her out for never helping her best friend, especially since she offered and you couldn't continue to do it alone, if she pushed the issue.
At the end of the day, her son is her legal next of kin and that gives him the authority. A niece is far down the legal succession, she has no authority and has chosen to not be involved, so she's not involved.
Best of luck with an easy transition.
Don’t talk to ANYONE about the details of your MIL’s situation until she has moved to her new residence. Her facility will probably suggest that visitors be limited during her adjustment period, so if Debbie (Downer) throws a fit, shrug your shoulders, state simply that you’re dealing with the facility’s rules and say you’ll let Debbie know as soon as MIL is strong enough to enjoy guests (never).
You and DH are in control, you have done the hard work of the last several months, you owe apologies nor explanations to ANYONE.
Thanks for the advice!
This is a cousin. Her opinion does not matter and you don't need to give her excuses. Your DH does not need to hear any negativity on her part. A number of us are not in the position to be judgemental. We have had to make the hard decision to place a parent. For me, I was not a Caregiver. It was a Senior taking care of a Senior. Our LOs care is just beyond our capability. So, place your MIL. Take time to allow her to adjust and allow you both to adjust. I guess cousin will see you in Church and ask where MIL is. Hopefully its after the service or say "will talk to you after the service". Or don't go and then she will call. Then u can explain that MIL had to be placed and that you are both upset and adjusting but it had to be done. If she starts, tell her sorry but you are hanging up.
My Mom adjusted well to both an AL and LTC but she was in the last stages of her Dementia. We just told her she was going to a new apt with new friends. The staff was good to her.