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It does hurt, as you said. Seeing our loved one in a state that's not quite consciousness and not quite coma. That twilight sleep that precedes death. We're the ones who are hurting. If hospice is doing their job our loved one feels no pain, no anxiety and is free to move on to whatever comes next.
I would ask about their fluid intake and also how often they need to be diaper changed. That is a pretty good gauge on if their body is continuing to "process".
ANother ? is why they are stopping feeding….like is it being done because they are having food aspiration issues; or they are having some sort of chewing, bowel or digestive issues in that they can't process & eliminate real food properly. My mom is in a NH and on hospice since June, so it;s now 9 months and at the beginning she could not chew but still could swallow so no real foods for her just liquids. Then within the next month she was & still is now able to bite, chew, swallow and if it's smallish food like a sandwich or sliced pears/peach, she can feetdherself. Otherwise the aide does "assisted feeding". Hospice monitors the % of what they eat, so ask how that was going before they stopped giving food. It may be she was not eating or able to chew so any feeding was in vain. My mom does about 50% of her meals which is noted in her chart each day and a Boost or two a day. When I come in to see her & ask her what I can bring her, she wants a ham sandwich with pimento cheese spread & forget the mayo! You know none of this is easy or simple. Take care.
My heart and prayers are with you and Mom at this difficult time. Hugs to both of you!!!!