By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
If you can find support groups, especially affiliated with hospitals, you can get some support and encouragement. It should start with your establishing your own parameters, i.e., you are not a maid, you are not a caterer, and your MIL has a son who apparently is nonparticipatory who needs to grow up and be responsible as well for his mother.
It's not easy to find that courage, and sometimes arises from long term subordination by other people.
If you've discovered "other things" about your husband, have evaluated them and considered them inconsistent with continuing to be married to him, that's another potential step, unless he's willing to change. And I rather doubt that; he doesn't seem to be interested in equality of a married couple. So, focus on your needs.
If you have to, begin exploring options to leave the house, such as contacting the county to determine if there are shelter homes for abused women (abuse isn't just physical harm; it's emotional as well).
My suggestions probably seem drastic, but you can also read other threads or articles here by women in similar situations.
One article:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/caring-for-in-laws-153386.htm
I have been having trouble posting the past few days but would like Help with some things I have learned since my moms stroke.
Many times what appears to be normal and capable of doing things isn’t always what the brain can actually process. My mom could tell you exactly how she would make a call on her cell phone (and it would be correct) but had you given her her cell phone she would not be able to do the “actual process” of those actions. They need a lot of therapy - sometimes medications and need to relearn many things - it’s a long road. I will give more info on resources and things that helped us when I can later today. But just wanted you to know your frustrations are valid and hopefully everyone here can help guide you to all find a better solution.
I will say, you should have set Boundries in the beginning. By being her maid you have actually disabled her. Husband should be doing the fetching and carrying for Mom. So, start using those boundries now.
Sleeping in another room is only serving to push you further down the pecking order where your husband should be placing you on a pedestal.
And for two years you have battled on!
How are you regaining your self esteem? Can you safely stand up to your husband and receive a respectful hearing? Do you have the courage/authority to confront MIL about what you will and will not tolerate?
Your health, happiness, and marriage are in disarray and I hope you receive much support from others on this forum who share your pain.
Please go into as much detail as you deem appropriate (and safe to divulge).
What are the "lot of other things I found out about him"? What is the whole story?