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While I have no wish to be critical of the way that others handle this issue. Here is my viewpoint....... I am the eldest son of my parents. My widowed mother was suffering from emphysema. (Oh. how I hate the tobacco companies) and a degenerating bone disease (about which I knew nothing). She lived alone.One day, out of the blue, her spine actually fractured. She could no longer live in her home.
Mother asked me to let her move in with my wife and me. I could not even think of changing my bedfast mother's diapers and I turned her down. She went to a very nice nursing home and I visited her every day. Ultimately my mother died. That was some twenty years ago and every day I wish that I could have done more. I could have done for her the things that she did for me.
My suggestion is for you to walk that extra mile and know that you did for your mother as much as you could. One has but one chance.
My name is Heather. I know exactly what you are going through. You are thinking that no matter what you do nothing will be good enough. And of course you want to do your best at the same time doing what is right for her. Along with the memory of your dad weighing on your heart. I also feel you from here thinking about whether or not to bring her home with you. I was at the same cross road with my husband after my mother-in-law had a stroke. We had to make the decision about bringing her home with us. And we did not hesitate. We changed our lives to fit her needs until the day she passed at home with us.
You are strong. I know you are. You will do the right thing. And it is normal to feel selfish. You have the right idea about love and protect at all costs. When we as caregivers choose to put those concepts first and foremost when caring for our loved ones we put their best interests first. Even though sometimes it makes life a little more difficult in other areas. I know that I would do what me and my husband did while taking care of my mother-in-law over again tomorrow if the time arose again.
I feel that you are a very strong woman and you will make the right decision. I know that you have her best interest at heart. I am here if you need to talk. if you just want to talk outside of this platform. I am online a lot and am always checking my platforms that I am on.
Much love to you and yours.