By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
We live in a day an age that your dad doesn't need to agree to a divorce, by the way psychological abuse is grounds for divorce.
He deserves care, but that doesn't mean any of you have to provide it. Stop going to the hospital after you tell them none of you can take care or help. They will push, guilt and bully you all trying to make you take him. Nope, not gonna happen. Disconnect from everything and let him and them figure it out.
Get mom to file while he is in the hospital and get her moved. He can't keep abusing you all if he can't reach you.
These are the consequences of treating your family like garbage, trash has been hauled away.
Do not lay down for him anymore.
The words you need are "He can't come home. He can't possibly come home. He can't receive the care he needs at home." Repeat frequently.
The person that you and mom need to talk to is the hospital social worker. Find out who has been assigned to dad (this may be part of "discharge planning". Tell them that dad can no longer be safely cared for at home,
In addition, ask for a geriatric psych evaluation while he is "in house".
If it were me, I would do this for Mom and not for him. Protect and support Mom and help her get out of this situation. She no longer needs to stay with him “for the sake of the kids”. Do as the others have suggested and explain in graphic detail to the social worker exactly what kind of person your father is. Make certain she understands. He needs an evaluation and to be placed in a facility who can provide the care he needs.
You can’t make your father like you by sacrificing yourself for his care.
Is everyone supporting the big NO, HE CAN NOT SAFELY COME HOME!
How are you all doing?
Please try to relax and "let go" of this unfairly placed burden. Your dad is being cared for.
I don't mean "bad person, stop being so angry." I mean, first of all put on your own oxygen mask by getting help with how you are feeling. If you go to any of the major cancer or blood disorder charities, you will find helplines for families and caregivers. Call one of them.
Leave your father's discharge to the social workers. What matters in this situation is what your parents want, and the social workers will guide them.
You and your sister should write to the social worker who is putting together the discharge plan and state clearly that you don't think your dad will be safe at home. Don't get into past abuse and what he would do if the situation is reversed. Say he's too big, his primary caretaker can't do it and there is no other family who can help. Concentrate on the fact that HE wouldn't be safe at home.
All you can do is present your mom with options. I hope she makes the right decisions for herself going forward. This is hard to watch. Come here for lots and lots of people who will sympathize!