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But this topic was not really about dying but about being sad that the nursing home was going to be the last home. My hope is that Yvonne's mom has some GOOD months (years?) left yet. Nursing homes AREN'T coffins.
One day, out of the blue, she said, "ya' know I'm going to live to be 90." I said, "God willing." and went on with our conversation. Not every fear that a senior expresses requires a heavy conversation. Sometimes they just need to know that they are alright or that you will be there for them wherever they reside.
I agree with all above. If you can keep your mood upbeat and talk about the possibilities at her new residence it will make the transition easier. And, yes, do allow her to mourn some...it is natural and helps us move on to the next phase. I believe that we will never find a braver generation than this one...I do not think that I will have the courage that my mother possesses in her seniorhood.
Dad used to say we're all spiritual beings having a human experience. That's why when my brother Julio asked him at the NH if he wanted to be buried or cremated he said he wanted to be recycled. The NH was a transitional home; some kind of pit stop because he "wasn't done yet."
Even though he had already come to terms with the fact his body would soon be discarded, I was the one on a rollercoaster through the stages of grief. I was the sad one, and he was the one doing the comforting despite the air of strength and confidence I tried to exude and that he could see right through. I hate to admit it, but after so many years I'm still grieving.
But it's a kind of pain that doesn't hurt when I realize he's still here. He taught me so many not-so-new things and allowed me the freedom to take it from there. I did the same with my own children; and they're doing the same with theirs. And the beat goes on. He had this uncanny ability to see things for what they really are and talk about them so wittily that I'm still laughing. Most people thought there wasn't an ounce of seriousness about him and that everything seemed like a joke. Actually, it was his brand of wisdom that allowed him to think rationally during emotionally-charged situations that cloud most people's judgement.
Your mom might be sad because of the NH, but she's also sad because you are. Don't pretend; it weakens the bond that now more than ever needs to be stronger -- on both sides of the fence.
-- ED
It's the process of dying that bothers me, not the end result I guess.
From my own experience, and what I have seen: Many of the residents in a nursing home facility that this is there final place to be...even if this is so or not.
Possibly having Hospice visit with you as well as your mom---would give you both the kind of support you may need. They are absolutely great to work with..
Good luck---and if possible, try to find the positive with a move to the nursing home...
Hap
Tips for helping to make life in a 'home' more tolerable:
http://www.whca.org/righthome3.htm
Try to keep the conversation light and reassure her that you and others will be by to visit often. Maybe let her know that there she is in good hands where she is, and she will be making many new friends.
Even if SOME of it is an embellishment, the last thing anyone wants to talk about is their own "final" resting place, the nursing home is just the "next" place. just like when you moved to where you are, its a part of that whole circle of life thing.
I hope some of it helps
Doug