Hearing loss but won’t admit it, what can I do?

My mom (95) has had some hearing loss for many years. About 10 years ago she did get a hearing aid after receiving an inheritance. She bought the top of the line. At first she was thrilled. After a few weeks, though, she gradually reduced the amount of time she wore them until she never wore them at all. The reason? Her brain had lost the capacity to screen out background sounds because she waited so long to get the aids. She could have recovered that skill with practice, but she chose to revert to the silence and miss the sounds of the world around her. There really isn't anything you can do if a person is unwilling to cooperate.

The way I have coped with it is simple: I don't. I don't raise my voice, I don't repeat myself, I don't sympathize with her, I don't tell her to put in her aids.

In the beginning my sisters and I did all sorts of things, to no avail. After a few months, we gave up on trying to cajole or scold her into wearing her aids. We would talk in normal conversational tones. Any time she would ask us to speak louder or repeat something we would respond "put in your hearing aids, Mom, we are speaking normally and you should be able to hear." When she would complain that a friend did not speak loudly enough, we would respond "that is called normal conversational tones, Mom, wear your aids if you want to participate."

End result: Mom still chooses to remain in silence. Ultimately, we had to accept that she will not wear those expensive hearing aids, but we will not change our lives because she chooses not to hear. It makes her seem older and more senile because she is guessing on what is being said, rather than hearing. It is sad, but I would rather talk to Mom without arguing or yelling. There is communication, of a sort. Mom hears the voices and is pleased to be part of a "conversation" though her replies are often total non-sequiturs.

I also suffer from a slight hearing loss. My choice is to wear the aids nearly all the time. I like hearing the birds sing, people around me, and ALL the notes of the music I listen to. I choose to be part of the world. I wasn't sure about getting the aids, based on Mom's experience so the audiologist allowed me to borrow a pair that was tuned to my hearing issues. Within 2 days I was certain that I wanted aids. I then "test drove" a more upscale pair, which I bought. That was 4 years ago.

My suggestion to you is don't do anything. Don't repeat yourself, don't raise your voice. When your mother is ready to seek help, she will. It is really HER problem, not yours. In the meantime, if she complains about not hearing you, stick to a single reply, "I was speaking normally, if you can't hear you may want to visit an audiologist." You are the daughter, not the mother, and she will have her way whether you like it or not. Go along with it and have your part of the conversation normally. She will understand some of it, you can't control how much of it.

I take my Mom to luncheons with some of her old friends. It is hilarious. None of them hear well, none of them wear their aids. All of them speak in normal tones and pretend they know what is going on, but they are exchanging totally unrelated conversational tidbits. It is almost like being in an acid trip. I wear my aids and respond to each of them in their own conversation, making no corrections. We all have a wonderful time, but I am the only one who really understands each of the conversational drifts. See if you can see the humor in the situation. What else can you do? Laugh with her and enjoy the day as much as possible.

Does she go to the doctor? Does the doc look in her ears?

Impacted earwax accounts for a lot of hearing issues, especially in elders. The fix is simple and painless.

How about a fiblet that she will lose her medical insurance if she doesn't have a checkup this year?

Pass a note to the doctor on you way in about checking for earwax.

Know this! You are not alone. My mom is 89 and has enough money to get a hearing aid but flat out refuses. I too have to raise my voice to an uncomfortable level. The TV has to be so loud it hurts my ears so I leave the room. Now my dad who's 84, is also hard of hearing. He thinks you've said something other than what you did say. It is so frustrating. Nothing we can do but grin and bear it. The kicker is remembering how they both said they hated talking to my grandmother because of her not wearing her hearing aids. When I remind them of the fact, they don't want to "hear" it. Hang in there.

This solution saved my sanity and kept me from being raging mad after yelling all day:

Buy a voice amplifier!!!!

It’s a small microphone head set that sends voice to a small amplifier box that fits in your hand or clips to your belt or sits on the table...wherever you want it to.

You can talk at a normal tone of voice. The amplifier makes it loud for your loved one to hear. Bonus: if mild dementia is involved they may think it helps YOU hear and so they want to be helpful and speak into the box.
They focus better as they talk and listen.

No need to bug a loved you about wearing their hearing aid either. They should of course but why fight when you can override the hearing aid need?

Try very hard to never yell because yelling, even yelling something friendly and pleasant, releases the fight/flight hormone and internally the person yelling feels anger, agitation and hostility.

Voice amplifiers are used by teachers and tour guide outside so everyone can hear. Costs from about $25 on up depending on features you want. I bought the cheapest to try it. It’s great but the wireless option for a little bit more would have been great.

I got mine on Amazon, there is a good selection of models. Search using the words “voice amplifier”.

My dad had hearing loss and I had to scream at him to be heard over the past few months before he died. Part of the lingering bad memories about him, which is unfortunate. He was a good dad, other than using the belt on us kids when we were little. He turned up the TV to max volume, so I also had to listen to that all day when I was taking care of him. In his defense, I think he turned up the TV so he wouldn't have to listen to mom, who has dementia and repeats herself multiple times a minute all day long. Before he got too sick, he spent all day outside in the yard, which I think he did to get away from listening to mom all day. They could have managed things better, but did no planning and made no adaptation as they aged.

As for hearing aids, these elders are careless about things like hearing aids. You could buy new ones every other day and they'd get "lost," or go through the laundry, or they wouldn't remember to put them in or the hearing aids "don't help." Unfortunate but in many cases, buying hearing aids is a waste of money and just one more source of frustration.

5 years. That's how long it took my Mum to give in & get the hearing aides after tests showed they were needed.

Said they would make her look old.

I said get some to match your hair, no-one will ever notice them. People probably notice the glasses, the walking stick & the WHITE hair first. LOL

Be aware that there are many drugs that are ototoxic, meaning that they actually harm the ears and therefore the hearing. These include commonly prescribed drugs such as Lasix, some antibiotics (especially Vancomycin), some mood elevators, etc.
In August of 2020, hearing aids will start being sold over the counter in stores such as CVS, Costco, Walgreen's, and Walmart. They will be generic, not customized, but they will also cost only about $500 (not thousands) each. This will be a game-changer!
With so many older people having hearing loss, the question is: Why in the H--- has it taken this long?!

I am going to be the party pooper here. My husband just had his check up for his new hearing aid. He wears behind the ear with a wheel for volume. His present one is about an inch and a half long. His new one is not more than an inch. No more wheel. Its a very small button on the top he has to press to turn up and down. Not sure how this is going to work because he has big hands.

Its very hard for the elderly to acclimate themselves to hearing aids. You may want to try some other things first. A member said they still have little box like things (like those transistor radios) with ear buds. There are also "TV ears" that are cordless that hook up to the TV. Then Mom wears a head piece to hear. She controls the volume from her head piece. That way others in the room can control the TV.

I would suggest that you talk, and everyone else, to Mom in a normal tone. By doing this, she may learn that she is the problem not everyone else. Also, look at her when u talk and slowly but not too slow. I think, unknowingly, we all lip read to a point. Keep your sentences short. Try not to have conversations.

What can you do? Absolutely nothing! Just continue talking very loudly and listen to her ask why you're yelling, like I do with my mother. She accused my father of mumbling for years when he spoke in a perfectly clear voice. She accuses me of yelling all the time, but asks me to repeat myself 10x which forces me TO yell in order to be heard.

A no win situation for all concerned. Welcome to old age & the stubborn pig-headed mothers who refuse hearing aids. Which must be our fault, too, somehow.

My Dh needed Hearing aids for 20 years before he got them. He missed SO MUCH.

When it got to the point where he was missing the announcements to board his flight and he was missing them--he kind of had a clue.

Also, I knelt down in front of him and BEGGED him to minimally have his baseline hearing checked. I was crying and past even trying to be kind. Said I was sick to death of screaming at him all the time. It was making me sick!

He reluctantly went to a local audiologist, had me go with him b/c he KNEW he would ace the hearing test. He failed it, epically. The audiologist was extremely kind and sensitive b/c to my DH, this made him 'old' but I know 20 yos who wear hearing aids!

I told him to get the aids that were the best fit for him. No $$ limit, as I was so sick of yelling all the time, and him looking like a demented old dude.

His ha's cost over $5K. Worth every penny. he can bluetooth music or a podcast through them. He can take them out or turn them off if he wants.

He still hasn't mastered to fine art of looking at a person's face when they talk--that would be helpful.

Having ALL my kids tell him how glad they were he addressed this issue helped too. I know he gets so sick of the sound of my voice, and he takes them out so he can ignore me, which is perfectly fine!!

I need to remember that I can't try to talk to him unless there is no other noise and he is LOOKING AT ME.