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In fact I am 80, and still walk, garden, and am generally quite active. The one thing that I notice a whole lot is the lack of balance I was used to. I always tease that I WILL go down, and when I DO go down, something will break--likely the hip. And then I top it with "beginning of the end". It seems that from there you go to confusion, UTIs, pneumonia and etc so easily.
You are definitely not alone and your observations are correct.
So I echo your prognostications for yourself. These large events -- skeletal, etc. -- are VERY hard on people over a certain age. I've seen a number of cases in which they have kicked off dementia or just opened the door for the collection of things that will kill you. It has been the case for my husband and I believe it will be so for me. So -- if you are not really elderly and some joint isn't working that well -- get it replaced NOW. If you ARE really elderly and you fall and break something...wheel your chair over by mine and we'll wait for death together, between our morphine doses. Maybe we can talk about how our gardens used to be, if we can remember what "gardens" are. At some late point the correct answer to "when shall we schedule your hip replacement" may be "Never."
Maybe bad physical trauma in general can do this? I know someone else whose sharp-as-a-tack elderly mother went quickly into decline, acceptance and death after breaking a hip...30 years ago my husband's situation would have killed him fairly quickly (probably with palliative care), but these days we save people too long and too often with technology and force them to be "alive" in a nightmare state in which everything they value about themselves is gone. The breakdown of our bodies is the way Nature lets us DIE. Beyond a point it's crazy to force damaged people into years of nightmarish survival just because we CAN do it. If my husband could, for a week, be transported back into lucidity and have it explained that treatment would keep him alive in a state of dementia -- I KNOW he would say "No treatment, get hospice." That is certainly what I would choose for myself. The mother of my friend, on the night she broke her hip (and was learning that at her age they wouldn't replace the hip but could only put her in a sort of cast) instantly said "No treatment, palliative care only." In a year she was dead, and her children all supported her decision.
PS. When I was a kid (born in 1950) it was common, when an elderly woman broke her hip to say, "Well, she'll be heading toward death." It was accepted that such an injury was one gateway to the inevitable, and no one seemed to think it was inappropriate.
The biggest change was her inability to walk unsupported. She now uses a walker and has to be escorted as well because she's a fall risk.
She came out of the hospital using the walker and never progressed past that. In my opinion she had the ability to learn to use a cane but she refused and instead she hung on to the walker for dear life.
I'm just happy that at 96 she's at least able to walk to the kitchen and the bathroom and is not bedridden.
Dementia itself is progressive and every illness or health issue seems to set them back until it reaches the point where they can no longer bounce back. That was the case w my mother who did have dementia and never was able to get ahead of her health problems after she turned 92. She lived until she 95 and CHF wound up taking her life.
Its tough to watch all this, I know. May God grant you both some relief from all the suffering involved.
But the trauma of the surgery for my MIL was too much for her; too much for her heart. Not blaming the doctors, not sure what would or could have been done with a fractured hip at her age and if no surgery at her advanced age would have been best?
So sorry you are dealing with this.
oh boy, i see almost all of us are saying "yes".
i'll try to answer, too:
quick mental + physical decline after a broken hip?
yes. this happened to my LO.
butttt, extremely luckily, after some weeks/months, the mental sharpness came back!! however, my LO is intellectually extreeeeemely active ALWAYS, and even after the fall/operation (even during the stay in hospital for the operation!!) -- my LO continued their intellectual work.
and i also continued pushing my LO.
--mentally. my LO has bad hearing. in order to try to save the hearing as much as i could, i not only forced my LO to wear hearing aids (it was very hard to succeed with this mission). i also did daily hearing exercises with my LO. we would read texts together out loud, and toast with water ("cheers!"). (my LO needs to be encouraged to drink water).
during the hip hospital stay, i appeared with my computer next to my LO. i said, "don't think you can just break a hip to try to get away from your hearing exercises."
we laughed. and we did continue the hearing exercises, while my LO lay in bed about to be operated.
--physically. it was very hard after the operation. took a lot of PT to be able to walk again. but incredibly, after some weeks, my LO really, really improved. and some months later, really ok.
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by the way, my LO is the happiest human being i know on this planet. just amazing. also now in older age.
❤️🙂
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