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We all have 'heart'. We're all human. We're all here on a care givers site either caring for a loved one, or multiple loved ones, in our homes, or in their homes, or in residential care home settings..........but that's what we're all doing. Including you, it sounds like. To the best of our abilities. I'm not thinking any of us have thrown our loved ones out in the street to fend for themselves & scrounge around for food.
While your question may not be judgmental, it's coming off that way. Maybe you should expand on what you're really trying to say or to ask here.
Have a great day.
But that's not realistic is it? Some of us were blessed with wonderful parents and even then it wasn't within our abilities or financial means to take care of them ourselves. Then there are those on the other side who had abusive parents who never provided the love and stability a child deserves and still were taken care of until the end by children who were not under any obligation to do this but made the sacrifice anyhow.
I was one of the lucky ones. I had a kind, loving mother and I tried to keep her at home and look after her until I just could not anymore. But I still made sure she was looked after properly at the nursing home until she declined and eventually passed.
So to say "How do you not have the heart" is a broad statement. Sometimes having the heart is just not enough.
Our parents are "leaving past their experation date" as my daughter who is an RN says. You have a 90+ year old who is nearly deaf and vision is not good. You are his/her daughter who is in her Mid sixties and senior too. Then there's where the child has their own health issues trying to care for a parent.
I have noticed lately there are a number of forty somethings caring for 60/70 year olds. This people work and still have children. Throw Dementia into all this or narcissism and it becomes very hard.
Its not that people don't have the heart, its that they may not be able to.
Not everyone is able to do hands on care giving. I am 53 and my husband is 71. I will do my best to care for him at home when the times comes but there are limitations.....if I cannot leave him alone for more than an hour at a time, if he gets violent or verbally nasty, if the work becomes 24/7 and more than one person can handle...then he will have to go to a NH. My father is 93. Just on personality alone I could not do hands on care giving. That does not make me a bad person. I am smart enough to know what my limitations are.
Come back to us when your mom has dementia and you are forced with more difficult choices. Of course, your answer is your mom will go to NH or memory care, like many people here. Not certain why are you calling any heartless
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