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I am a 56 year old woman who has been pretty strong and healthy. Since caring for my husband totally, the last two years, my body has taken a big hit. And now, my body is mimicking signs of a heart attack. I went to the emergency room twice in 3 days. Now, I'm afraid to breath. However, I love my husband and he still needs care. I'm in the process of securing resources to help me, so that I can help him. Having said that, some major changes have to occur. In the meantime, he has to go without me jumping to cater to his every want. We have discussed the necessity of a change and he is on board. So, I want to encourage you all to SEEK outside help. There are agencies that provide relief to caregivers FREE for a limited time. Contact the hospital social worker, the American Heart/Stroke association, whatever the issue is. There is HELP, FIND it. There are statistics out there that show people caring for loved ones develop their own health issues that often end in death. I often feel guilty about having anyone else help, because I feel my husband is my responsibility. But after my visits to the emergency room I have decided I want to live. I don't know what God has in store for either of us, but I am seeking his guidance to make sure my husband's dignity stays in tack along with my sanity and health. STAY CONNECTED, we need each other.
It's nice to care for them if there is a decent relationship, but as soon as they become impossible, NO WAY should you put up with it. That's why there are care homes and other facilities run by professionals. I recommend taking a proactive partnership stance, but that can be done over the phone.
Best wishes to you and your husband. Make sure he takes care of himself:)
Again, remember that you can't help your parents if you are not in good health. You start feeling strange; GET CHECKED OUT!! Don't put it off. If you are not there for your parents; then who will?
God Bless you for what you are doing. Remember, you are not alone.
My Mother was like your FIL. She was forced to the hospital and transported to rehab, then nursing home and now Assisted Living. She is doing great (or at least better.) At home, she was hateful, not eating, not very mobile, not clean. Now she is clean, eating, dressed and was actually in the commons area on Monday listening to a group sing.
My feeling is that it would benefit your FIL, if your husband did avoid going to visit, so much.
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