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In both cases, at home, you have an audience of one and you can endlessly tailor the environment to suit the person who is being taught/cared for.
In a group environment, you get the benefit of professional services, many eyes on the situation, supervision and socialization.
No, your student or parent does always get their favorite desert or matching lipstick. But you do get to go out and make a living and insure your own future.
Until we have universal income and universal health care and we can all stay home and do what we wish with our time, we need to understand that the care in a NH is not going to be exactly what it is at home.
We've all done it. Tried to micromanage when a LO is in a NH. Can't be done. Shift changes, weekend changes and personalities. Work schedules, it will never be the way you want it to be. There was a poster who thought the aide should make sure his wife had her favorite jewelry on. Not the aides responsibility. Your lucky the residents clothes match. I am lucky to have a daughter who is an RN and worked in rehab/NHs for 20 yrs. I would ask her what to complain about.
Have you ever contacted an Elder Care attorney with this situation you keep finding yourself in?
If it is possible to sit firmly on the cat-setter and bind him/her over to keep the peace in future, perhaps it might be possible to negotiate directly with the NH. Of course if the difficult one is the resident's primary caregiver or representative or POA and does not agree that he or she is the problem, this would be tricky, though.
Gosh I'd love to know what happened. For the NH to say they won't have this resident back no matter what it costs them, it must have been pretty spectacular.
Thank you for your kindness and for taking the time to reply. And most of all, thank you for representing what it means to be caring, compassionate human beings. I rushed to sign up to the Forum and didn't thoroughly read through the profile questions. I have updated my profile. I've tried to respond to most of the replies. This has been an excruciatingly painful experience for me as the daughter who loves her mother dearly, and would not have intentionally done anything to cause her the discomfort she is in now and the horrible nightmare we are going through because of out of protective concern about her care, I became known as a "hell raiser". I am in prayer mode now, hoping and praying that the next facility is not another nightmare.
1. Know who controls what. It took me a LONG time to find out that the aides were supervised, NOT by the nurses but by the Unit Manager, while the Nurses were supervised by the DON. The social worker was supervised by the Director of the Facility. So if something was awry, I needed to figure out what supervisory line to go up.
2. Bring treats. Each week when I visisted, I would bring a tray of donuts, cookies or a cake. I found out one of mom's nurses had celiac disease, so I brought gluten free treats also. I left these at the nursing station with a big note that said "thank you from Mrs. A in room 102".
3. Care meetings are where you get most of your answers. Make sure that they are scheduling them as often as they are required in your state. Go with a list. Ask what their plan to cure the deficiency is. Tell them what YOUR priorities are.
4. Observe your parent. Is your mother happy and content? My mother was not a complainer, but she was able to say (even with aphasia) what displeased her. She wanted to get up late and stay up late. The NH was able to accommodate that. There was stuff that would have driven ME batty, but that wasn't in my wheelhouse. Getting mom what SHE wanted was.
5. I had a couple of serious issues with the NH at the very beginning of mom's stay there regarding her medical care. I asked for a care meeting to straighten it out and asked, very quietly why I shouldn't be considering thinking about reporting the issue to the ombudsman and the Joint Commission. I would never report without telling them that I going to, because you have to a. make them realize that you know how to do this and b. give them a chance to correct the issue.
In our case, they corrected the issue and we moved on.
It sounds as though this is place that sees poor care and fine their way of doing business. Not all places are like this, although I'm sure it varies widely from state to state, depending upon how regulated the homes are. And yes, this place took Medicaid.
If you are in a state where homes are laxly regulated, the solution is a political one and you need to make your voice heard not only by the regulators but by the folks who write the regs and set the fines, i.e., your state's representatives. They ALL have staff that deal with elder affairs and that's someplace you need to make your voice heard.
I think that YOU are not the one left now holding the bag so to speak. It is the hospital social workers who will have to find placement. You can help, be open to visiting, but if you were unhappy with the first place, subsequent placement, places who accept patients now in covid times, is going to be even more difficult.
I think that there is a lesson in this. We all know the problems of nursing facilities; I am not her to deny them; they are many and awful. But this is where it often all ends, and the elders are dependent on the care in these facilities. It is now a case of more bees got with honey, I am afraid. An adversarial relationship will get you nowhere fast, and the repercussions will come down on your elder. So sorry for all you are going through. Put this in the hands of the social workers. You honestly have little choice.
Hospital SW compile a list of NH, you pick 3, SW call, see if accepted. if not repeat process until find one that does, even if low rated.
You don't have to be stressed trying to find a facility for your mom, that is the responsibility of the hospital social worker. Then again, on the other hand, I am not sure how the social worker is a that hospital. If it is a caring compassionate SW, fantastic, if not, they will try to send your family member to the first nursing facility that will accept them. Sorry, for what you and loved one are going through. I know first hand because I am going through the exact same thing.
Use this as a learning opportunity for future placement. If it were my mom, I would be calling non-profit religious based facilities.
I had a hard time dealing with the idiots that were supposed to be caregivers for my dad and I had to back off and only worry about the law of the situation. I called every governing body and the facility was eventually shut down for violations. I knew then that I was a problem because I saw what they didn't want anyone to see and I spoke up, because I ignorantly believed that they just didn't know and they would correct the situation once they knew. Nope, they knew and it was intentional negligence, so me advocating for my dad was a problem.
Follow your heart and hopefully you will make a difference for someone else. I did and it felt good to know that they would never be able to injure another family like they did mine. One person can make a difference.
Some (well, a good many) years ago, my sister in law was a young intern working in a major teaching hospital, doing the dogsbody rounds on a medical ward. She ran into trouble with a very, very elderly, very frail patient whose daughter was... how can I put it. A bit trigger-happy when it came to dealing with inexperienced overworked young doctors who were doing their best. Things got sticky, and my poor SIL is not the world's most resilient or sanguine person, and she was beginning to dread going to work; but going over the admission notes once again in a desperate search for ideas that would make this sweet old lady "take up her bed and walk" SIL noticed that the lady patient had been born in (then) Calcutta.
"Oh really?" said SIL "my sister in law's granny was born in Calcutta too."
Long story short: it didn't take long for them to find out that the trigger-happy daughter was my mother's schoolfriend; SIL was able to reunite her and my mother (who stayed in touch for the next nearly thirty years), and the daughter's opinion of SIL's medical expertise also miraculously improved!
Now then. If you haven't been happy, the NH ought to have been taking care to find out why and put things right even if it isn't something with a direct bearing on your mother's care; but if they won't do that, maybe you can. So that's why I ask again - what happened? Because if there is any way of not moving your mother from an environment where she is settled and happy, we need to find it.
She does require a high level of care, but nothing has changed about her medical condition in the last 4 years that would warrant an involuntary discharge in the midst of a pandemic because they are unable to meet her needs". Her behavior hasn't changed, her care needs haven' changed.
I do have a pretty forceful personality. and definitely arguments occurred when staff ignored call lights, refused to change my mother, and when I found her unbathed and smelling like urine and feces. Some of their staff is pretty revengeful. When I would report them, they would ignore my mother's care (not change her, not feed her, not bathe her). I contacted the facility's leadership team and the state agencies overseeing recently for the umpteenth time after several members of the CNA staff shared with me that my mother was being neglected. Supposely the NH was investigating but I believe now that they were developing a plan to involuntarily discharge her. Sending her to the hospital was a convenient exit strategy. I did offer to change out the POA responsibilites to another family member, allow myself to be "banned from the facility" so that she would not be discharged in the midst of this pandemic and moved to another faclity where the risk of Covid infection is high. They refused to consider it as an option. So she is suffering the consequences of having her life disrupted.
Good for you for reporting them. If you dont file an appeal, isn't that like you were admitting that they were right?
All of the issues that you mentioned regarding your mom SHOULD have been reported to the Ombudsman and the Joint Commission. Sometimes we get posters here who are upset about the shade of lipstick their mom was wearing.
My mom was in an imperfect NH for over 4 years. I never smelled ANYTHING. It's completely unacceptable. I hope you've explained this to the SW.
And DO NOT accept discharge to your home.