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When you give up employment, you lose your ability to manage your own life on your own terms.
Which is where you find yourself now. At the mercy of POA brother (who should be using mom's resources to fund her care), crazy brother who manipulates mom, and demented mom who doesn't value your help.
Get out, go back to work and allow the person mom appointed to manage her affairs to do just that.
Your mom's says this about your brother, who knows what she is saying to your brother about you.
That would be the person responsible for making sure your mother gets the care she needs .
If you don’t have POA, and So long as your brother is there you may have to let him take care of her and you move out for your own sanity .
Unfortunately we hear of these situations all the time . If your mother chooses your brother over you to live with her ( and possibly be her POA) , nothing you can do about it .
You could visit Mom and if things are not right you could call APS and report a vulnerable elderly person .
If you are POA , and your mother has been deemed incompetent , maybe a lawyer could start the eviction process to make your brother leave. Also were you paying rent to your mother ? If your brother becomes POA he could try kicking you out claiming you are a squatter .
You are not working , how are you supporting yourself ? Don’t ruin your own future. You need to be saving for your own retirement . Your mother may have to sell her home to go into a facility, so you need a job and rent money .
Sorry about your situation .
My advice would be to take a step back , and breath , keep contact with your mom, visit, but maybe a little less, and do less when you are there. Let you brother do it all. Things will change , I'm going on 4 yrs of caregiving , things are always changing.
One other thing that is important is for you to stay calm, not to let emotions control you. I wanted to do badly, mean text my sister, many times. I new I needed to be the bigger person, so I erased and lost her phone number so I wouldn't be tempted.
I hope that is helpful!
i
If there isn't one, this is pretty major. You have a mother with a brain injury and dementia, and it is now too late for a POA if one wasn't done already.
And you have two siblings living with her, with her divided between them.
If you and your brother cannot get together in the care of your mother, then I don't see any way forward save taking this to an elder law attorney and asking for mediation. First of all, with your mother no longer competent you need a diagnosis and an appointed conservator.
If you can't work together, then, quite honestly, it may be better for you to exit this situation and let your brother take care of your mom. You will then visit and help him (and I would offer this very nicely) and if you see any sort of abuse you will need to contact APS.
This is a mess. No question about it. And if no one is POA here, then this is a mess that won't easily be fixed, even with 100s of 1,000s of dollars and court action.
I'm dealing with. I have also considered the area for the ageing I know they have attorneysbut just dont what or if they could advise me. but it certainly cant hurt to ask. I do appreciate you advice. very smart ,you are, in these situations, thank you for reaching out. s. sheperd
I learned this the hard way. Just take care of yourself & visit mom when you can.