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I think you have to respect her boundaries but set your own. If she won't clean up, and won't hire it out, it's NOT up to you to do behind her back. You simply let her be. It's awful to do, but you just can't overrule them if they are competent. And if you are trying to get them declared incompetent, having pictures of how bad it is *without* your help is really important! So there are two reasons why to let her handle things herself and you step back.
I know you love your mom and respecting her as a person and letting her make her own mistakes is probably one of the very best ways you can show your love right now. You can also draw the line that you won't be around stinky dishwater or poopy toilets. Mthr always visited people in the grocery, their car if they came by the house, or sitting on the front steps. You don't have to go in, even though you badly want to help.
Regardless of how much of a burden speech your mother gives you, I strongly recommend you get some in home help at least a couple days each week. Maybe they could also help with the laundry and take your mother grocery shopping so you do not need to attend to those tasks during your visits.
Hugs and love to you, Lee and puppy.
I'm trying to imagine a senior in my extensive extended family who would submit to being disrespected in their own home this way... and I cannot. I can see several of them coming after anyone who tried with a broom handle. This behavior would sure explain seniors who do not want to "cooperate" with family that is only trying to "help" them.
Family should just feel free to take and dispose of an 82 year old diabetic's property and use the proceeds as they wish because she needs some help aging in place? Would it be okay if a stranger did the same? If she's having troubles keeping her dishes clean now then you thing having fewer dishes will make that easier? Or do you plan for her to use dirty dishes when it's too painful or too dark to wash the two plates you left her? How about the emotional impact of someone she should be able to trust taking what may include serving pieces that were wedding presents from her home? I know several ladies who took such pieces with them into an AL.
While I agree this senior probably does need to downsize to an apartment where there's no lawn care or maybe even an AL, I cannot agree this is an appropriate way to treat a competent senior.