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And the stuff with your brother sounds a bit like a divorce situation where one parent is being selfish, and as hard as it is, you just have to quit expecting anything of the selfish one and do your best to keep the child (in the divorce situation it's a child, in your situation it's your mother) out of the middle.
Good luck. Safe travels.
So, sorry, but more than likely your brother is just NOT going to help and you can't make him! So be it...hang in there! Great group of people here to talk to and vent to and receive support from...my lucky day when I "happened" to find them here! Welcome!
Everyone is touchy on this job once in a while. RE: the callous remark by "call me ick, I'm ill". He's is touchy too, but in a passive aggressive way, attacking fellow caregivers instead of bonding or aligning with us. He is one of those "ring the doorbell and run" guys.
Let's help each other, give credit where credit is due, and ignore the AHs who don't like to play by the rules. See where I'm coming from? Don't let another caregiver get under your skin. He needs help!!! We all need help:) hugs, christina
Taking care of your own children and a sick parent, or other is not the same. You can usually reason with your children but with someone with AD forget it. I know because I am there. Sorry your nerves are so touchy. Try walking in our shoes for just an hour or two.
Hope you have lots of me time today .
It sounds like many of us must be related because we all have the same "dead beat" siblings! I sounds as if mom is still pretty capable and with that in mind here are some suggestions...I don't know where you live or where you plan on spending your summer, but I'd check into some ALF's in different parts of the country that have a variety of outdoor activities. There are some really nice ones in the north and south eastern states. I saw one online the other day that is on a farm and the prices were reasonable. There's one in Miami on the bay that is more like a KeyWest B&B- I'd like to go there! Another option if she wants to stay home is to find a neighbor as a companion. Check with your local church and see who they could suggest. Many teachers are off for the summer and some of them would welcome the extra income. You definitely need and deserve time off- Good luck!
Does he give a reason(s) why he won't take her for a while?
God Bless
Maybe you could ask him to contribute financially instead, so you could add a caregiver to relieve you, and let him know it is so you can take a vacation, get away for a break--like he does. "They"-- the self-centered, uncooperative siblings are sometimes a bigger drain of energy and patience than doing the 24/7/365 "job". I can depend on my Mother's daytime caregivers to be there for me after a difficult night with her so I can do my day job, but I cannot depend on my siblings for any kind of help. All the Best to you and your Mom:) christina
Has he told you why he doesn't want to take on a responsibility which should be shared by all siblings? All this ping-pong playing can make anyone feel like an orphan, so until your brother has a change of heart sit your mother down and explain the options. You might be surprised. She'll probably say she can fend for herself. After all, if decisions that have a fundamental impact on our lives are going to be made it's only fair we should be in on it.
-- ED
It's not like dropping off an indoor cactus. "The summer" is a long time. Do you mean every summer?
Your brother's situation might make it very difficult for him to do as you wish. If you look at caregiving realistically, many of the caregivers are women who are married and don't work. The caregiving is, in effect, subsidized by their working husbands. The net impact on their lives might be something like, "Caregiving has REALLY interfered with my craftwork."
OTOH, there are many single caregivers - female and male - who have had their entire lives taken over and have no partner or other family members to help. If they quit their jobs or cut back on their hours, they lose income, contacts and credentials.
Given that our government is rapidly turning into "One nation, for the corporations, by the corporations", maybe 15 or 20 years down the road, if Social Security is destroyed, pensions are nullified, inflation has destroyed their minimal savings, and public assistance is minimal, the solo caregivers might find out that a failure to look after their own future turned out to be fatal.
Then again, maybe your brother is just selfish and lazy.
A friend of mine felt compelled to move her mother in with her family in Oregon because her brother and his family would not agree to visit his mother a few times week or take her to the grocery. He's a MINISTER!!!! A "man of God" (right... can you sense my sarcasm) - who'll spend much of his time visiting shut ins from his church but won't see his own mom or attempt to get his kids to drop by. Sometimes there's just no good reason at all.
You'll make yourself nuts trying to understand why - all you can do is try to have a good relationship with your mom and your spouse and kids. If you need support or want a break, see if mom will agree to a few months in assisted living. My mom spent the winter in assisted living for two years and it was good for her; instead of being stuck alone in her house for days and days, she had company and was able to get out and walk around the facility.
Best of luck to you!