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I would say now that she's out of the house...which is the best conclusion..is to just as what a previous poster said...psych yourself up...suck it up....prescript or a cocktail..what ever it takes ...go for at least you can't take it anymore and then leave...and then go do something for yourself...go to a bookstore and peruse for an hour..have a good espresso and a beignet...treat yourself for a little bit afterwards...it may make it smooth over a bit, and then you will look forward to a visit because you have psyched yourself out that afterwards is a present to yourself....with your daughter perhaps say...okay sweetie how about afterwards we go to the nail salon and get tips and toes done? Or a pizza feast or a movie something fun. Just an idea.
Tina, just hang in there. Again, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.. don't feel guilty about it..
I am preaching to myself.. I question my decision. I wonder if they are treating him right.. I wonder what his brother thinks.. I wonder what my brother (whom I never hear from) thinks... and then I don't care... it's a roller coaster of emotions... But I drag myself there to the nursing home outta duty and love.
I know what you mean. I hate it and her too. Which makes me feel even more guilty. I gave up 9 years of my life taking care of her, I didn't go anywhere except work and errands after my Dad passed away, and now I finally have it back. I am the only child so she moved in with me. When I do go see her I get constant calls she wants to come home, etc. It makes it even worse. My daughter even went 8 hrs away to college to get away from her before she went into the convalescent home. Now my daughter is back home and going to school near by. I am enjoying spending time alone with her, that is time we never had growing up becuase my Mom was ALWAYS there. But, the guilt is incredible. I feel damned if I do and damed if I don't.
Yes, I want my life back too. I hate it and I hate her. But what are you going to do? These old people need to be looked after. It's the right thing to do.
I've found her dementia easier to deal with than her original personality. I tell her lies and they seem to satisfy her better than reality. Then she forgets and we move on to some other distraction.
I got a call that night from dad that was incoherent. I called a neighbor and a cousin that live in NJ and dad was hospitalized. It turned out to ba a bad reaction to the meds. So they were both in the hospital and I had to return to NJ. Eventually they were both released to a conv home. the social worker determined they should not live alone. To get them out I arranged for an assisted living apt here in CT. After I got them moved in Dad was a royal PITA. Wvery few days I'd get a call that he wasn't going to stay and had to take time off to meet with the facility staff. My boss told me I had an attendance problem. Eventually I moved my parents into my house (BIG mistake). I was eventually laid off from my job. The time I had to take off was a factor in the decision to vote me off the island. Mom is now in a nursing home and really doesn't know who I am. Dad still lives with me. I feel bitter that my life has been taken over by them. I have yet to hear a "thank you" for what I have done to make them comfortable. I interact with my father as little as possible. 3 times a week he takes a the dial a ride to the senior center then to the NH to visit mom. I can feel my BP rise when I have to go pick him up. I just want my life back.
She had a stroke last October and is bedridden. She is in the beginning stages of Dem/Alz and now thinks people are stealing from her.
I have my own place and she will call me and call me, and call me several times during the day so finally I go over(it's a long story) but most times when I get to her front door I start having the feelings of depression. Then when I get to her room, my whole body just seems like it wants to give out. But then she starts asking me to do this and that, and this, and that and I forget to breathe and I forget everything else, cause I don't have time.
Yes it is understandable how you feel like that but you must remember that the care takers at your moms facility need to know that your mom has someone so they will treat her with dignity and respect. If they think no one will come, no one gives a darn I wouldn't want to think how they would treat her.
I may say the total opposite of what others may say to you but I say suck it all in, and get over there to see your mom. Even if you can't stay long, go! Sometimes stay a while, and sometimes a little. That way the staff never knows what to expect. Keep them guessing but go see your mom. It's OK if your 19 yr old doesn't want to go, my 21 yr old doesn't like going with me either, can't really take her that way. I understand and don't force him.
Oh here's something else that might work prior to going to visiting your mom ----V-O-D-K-A!!!! :):):):):)