By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
There are people for whom life is too tough. I understand that, and as a nurse I have seen more than my share of those who have taken their own lives whether because of depression or illness. We can't know if your Dad's depression can be helped, or if he will seek help. We cannot know if he will make more attempts until he is successful, or whether he will be angry or not.
That doesn't change the fact that you had to make a decision and you made the only one you felt you could live with. Second guessing it will leave you in that place that pretends there is a lot of choice and there was "an answer" or "the answer" and had you but known it everything would be all right. It lets us allow the pure grief, because pure grief means we are without an answer. It mean we must sit in absolute helplessness and mourn the pain those we love endure, the pain we cannot change, cannot wipe out, cannot endure.
You did what you thought was right.
If Dad awakens, then tell him that you did the only thing you could at the time, the only thing you could live with. Tell him you are so sorry for his pain. Tell him you care so much about him.
If Dad doesn't awaken then know his mission was one he accomplished. Let yourself mourn your loss. Know he is at peace.
I am so sorry. Not everything has a "fix" and there is so little we are really in charge of. Sometimes there is no answer but tears.
I wish you the best of luck with everything you’re going through❤️
If your dad wishes not to live any longer when he recovers from this suicidal act, he needs to talk to his doctors about no longer treating his physical ailments. He needs to be seen by a psychiatrist to have his depression treated. In short, he needs to approach his end of life issues in a rational way that does not harm those around him.
You have/had no way of knowing if this was a suicidal gesture gone wrong or a real act of "I no longer wish to live". If you found him, he may have assumed you would find him and save him.
Although I would be furious at a parent for doing this, consider that he may be attempting to "not be a burden". Maybe facility living would be a better idea.
So, if dad survives this, you need to have an honest talk. If he wants to end his life, do you live in a state where assisted suicide is legal? If so, get on board with his wishes. If not, is he going to try to take his life again? And if so, you'd need to promise not to intervene next time, I guess. It's his right to end his life if that is what he wants to do. Just have that talk so both of you are on the same page and agree that you won't call 911 next time.
Try not to play the 'would've/should've/could've' game with yourself now b/c it's a gruesome thing to do to yourself. You called 911 out of love for your father & a desire to save his life; not b/c you were trying to harm in any way. If he comes out of this and is angry with you, explain your stance; let him know how much you love him and how it was an instinctual thing you did. Don't put a big burden of blame on yourself for trying to save your father's life; what daughter wouldn't?
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Sending you a hug and a prayer for the best possible outcome here.
If he is angry when/if he wakes up, it may be because of his own suicide attempt and physical issues rather than your initiative to do right by him.
Be at peace that you did all you could on his behalf.
You did what any loving child would do when looking after their parent, so don't beat yourself up, but instead look on the bright side that your father will now receive the help he needs.
She only stopped the attempts when she almost succeeded.
So, I have to disagree that it is always a cry for help.
I think in this man's case, he doesn't want to descend into dementia and have no quality of life.
His mistake was doing it where his daughter would find him, that was selfish.
You didn't call 911 because you're indifferent to your father's future possible suffering and couldn't bear to lose him. You called 911 because you were a responsible citizen responding appropriately to an emergency.
Has your father always been this cruel and manipulative? If he wants to kill himself, he can sign and have witnessed an advance directive refusing all medical intervention. This would relieve you of any responsibility to make impossible choices for him in the future. See he gets it done (or call his bluff, whichever applies).
I expect you think I'm being very harsh. Probably. I suppose I'm overcompensating. Because your emotional wellbeing matters too, you know, and it doesn't look as if it's been given a moment's thought.
I would be angry as all heck for him doing this in such a way that he knew you would find him.
my heart goes out to you; you did the right thing, how would you feel now if you hadn’t.
please don’t feel guilty, like many others here I think Alva’s post is on target
xx
See All Answers