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Dad is in a iRomance at best and could well be enmeshed in a pig butchering scam which is way more long range with the goal to drain all his resources. Sit and go through parents banking and CC for abt 2 years; and do a listing by date and amounts and where sent to; do it as a report because you are going to
1. file a local police report and
2. file a FTC consumer fraud & identity theft report and
3. an IC3 filing as well. www.ic3.gov.
Doing all 3 is beyond super mucho importante because should your folks not have the $ to private pay for future care in a NH and apply for Medicaid, that $ as it was given freely by Dad can be considered gifting and places a transfer of assets penalty on their application. These reports enable the caseworker to deal with the penalty issues better.
Please pls pls realize that Dads personal AND financial details are now all exposed and likley have gone out to other types of scammers. All CC need to be cancelled asap. Mom can get a new one issued only to her. Run a report on the big 3 credit reporting agencies for both of their names and then place a freeze on the big 3 on them. If Dad is big personality and my way or the Hwy type and there is lots of $ sitting in their bank accounts you may have to do something dramatic… like you and mom go and open a new bank account that is only in moms name and you are a signatory (not owner) on and move all the $ you can to it. So that Dad has zero access and you monitor it regularly along with their old accounts regularly.
If y’all are hoping that any of this $ is coming back, that is not happening. He of his own free will gave that $ to the honey bunny…. who may be speaking to him under duress themselves. He was not held up with a gun, he on his own entered the info needed to do the pay pal / banking transfers.
Please pls PLEASE be wary of anyone who tell you they can recover any of this $. Ain’t happening. If you want more background on how all these scams, what to expect (for women it’s loneliness & for men it’s vanity & ego driven) and how to deal with them, go onto Reddit and the scam forum. It’s beyond common & it’s heartbreaking.
Fwiw your Dad if he’s like most just will not believe that he was and is being fleeced. It’s really hard for family to deal with this as it’s just so flat beyond frickin obvious that it is a scam. Good luck and try not to yell at him for being so stupid.
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Get new credit cards. Have Mom's credit card in her name be the limit she feels comfortable with. Get your Dad's credit card with a low limit that cannot be increased. Ask the bank to set his credit card with a limit of $300 for the month or whatever amount.
If your Dad isn't using credit cards but transferring money to other women's' bank accounts via PayPal, talk with the bank, explain the situation and see what they recommend. Maybe they can set a limit.
See Elder lawyer about splitting assets, to protect Mom's share.
"Lose" the credit cards (report fraud on them then they will shut down those accounts but may send new cards). Have Mom set up a PO Box and intercept the mail. Have Mom move most of their cash into their savings account so it is less accessible.
Help Mom create new portal logins so he can access them.
No one above age 65 should have someone their own age as their PoA. Are you a back-up? If so, do what it takes to invoke the authority sooner rather than later.
I would have my husband or brother call and make the needed changes. Know what I mean?
If that fails, your mom may need to divorce him to protect her share of the assets.