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I am sorry to hear that you went through that with your husband. Stopping life support is a difficult decision to have to make.
You have a very good point, life support can be withdrawn at any time. I don't know why this doc told me in his story that he just went through this with his aunt. He, of all people, would have known he could discontinue life support and did not have to "suffer" being by her bedside for 6 months -- unless someone else had the POA and fought him on it.
I have a copy of my mother's living will and I am her medical POA,
She basically states in her LW she would want to be DNR. Occasionally she says things to me that indicate she has changed her mind about the issues. I feel obligated, at the very least, talk to her nurse (she is currently hospitalized) about what she has told me. That is what I was doing when this doctor decided I should have his opinion. At the time he was not involved in my mother's care, so it was just another opinion.
When I found out he was called in as a consult, I waited to see what he said when he saw my mother. He felt no need to treat her, because she is old. His opinion is obvious in the way he treats his patients.
I am considering calling the patient representative or the nursing supervisor or the administrator and telling them that he chooses the code status he believes is right for the patient and treats them accordingly. II simply is not his decision.
I feel that they pressure you to make these decisions long before you have all the facts. Who can know what lies ahead? My mom even asked me why I wanted to know now about CPR and intubation. She said "I won't know until the time comes."
I am learning to be very careful to watch for signs of prejudice against the elderly, in my mother's providers. There are definitely two opposing camps. I want my mother treated by those who respect and care about the elderly.