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Please don't assume that the people who no longer want to help, or who are impatient or fed-up don't have a good reason to be.
We love and will continue to care for MIL/FIL as long as we are needed and the Dr says it is in their best interest to remain at home, but it is frustrating when someone has good/loving/healthy care and they manipulate it when there are so many people who need loving care and don't have it. My husband and I are looking into options for help for the future because of my health and we do need help now, but we don't judge the 2 siblings that have disappeared for not wanting to change diapers on their parents.....I'm sure they have their reasons and those reasons are their own.
The best and only thing you can do for yourself and your family is to make it clear (fridge sign works) what will and will not be accepted/tolerated by you and what your duties are. Maybe look into a visiting companion a couple days a week to free you up, maybe even a cleaning person every couple weeks.
Also, talk to your siblings about what they are thinking without judging them, after all if we want people to respect our choices we must respect theirs.....and this is a choice by caregivers and people choosing not to caregive. My SIL assumed that because we are taking care of MIL/FIL we would get all properties in the will for care payment. She was shocked to learn that we had to bail them out years ago and everything is in our name already, we pay all household bills and there is NO money left because of her parents' mis-spending, in-fighting and loans to her and her little brother, it didn't change her involvement but it invalidated her excuses.
Best of luck to you and this is a great site to visit for help, bless you for caring for your loved one.
The other sibling lives three hours away and will visit friends or the local resorts just 25 minutes from Mom and will not stop in because he's on "vacation." He makes it over about twice a year to stay overnight. He makes $500K a year. I asked him to purchase a TV for our mother's room and we had to wait until he finished having thousands of dollars of work done on his house so he could afford a $250 TV. He calls to share how much he made in bonuses, where his work is sending him, pictures of his new cars, etc. In ten years of marriage, he's had Mom for one holiday but said he couldn't do it again because she scratches herself too much and he can't take it.
I manage my Mom's healthcare, finances, home, clothing, social calendar, home aides; feed her, bathe her, talk to her, love her, and take her everywhere with us. Because of the economy, we've come dangerously close to losing everything we've had more than once over the last five years. God brings us back from the edge each time. Although I've never shared these struggles with my sibs, I think the next time I get emailed a picture of the latest toy my sib has purchased and so proud of, I'll send pictures of the things we're proud of: showering mom, paying our mortgage on time, getting Mom to appointment without a fall.
My Mom's so sweet. I can't resist her! Is it possible we all came from the same parents?
You made the choice to live with and care for your parents. Your sister and your brother made different choices. Apparently they choose to stay with your parents several hours a week, in the evenings. They decided not to devote their weekends or full days to their parents care. You made choices; they made choices. Unless you discussed your plan with them before you moved in, and decided that you would stay with them during the week and Brother would stay two weekends a month and Sister would stay two weekends, etc. then it really isn't fair to expect them to honor your choices. For sure it would be nice if they helped more, but you really shouldn't have moved in counting on that unless you had a commitment from them. (I understand why this doesn't usually happen -- we just don't know what we are getting into when we become primary caregivers.)
But don't despair. There are other sources of help, and you definitely need/deserve help.
First, now that you are not paying rent, etc. could you give up your part time job? Can your parents afford to pay you, to help make up for that income?
Then, tell us about your situation, so we can offer specific advice. Are your parents staying alone during the day while you work the daytime job? If not, where are they or who is with them? Is that working out OK?
Your profile says Mom has dementia. Is it still mild? Moderate? Severe? What are her major symptoms?
What is Dad's health like?
What specific help do your Mom and Dad need? Why can't they live alone? For example, does Mom need help bathing? Can she dress herself? Etc.
What is your parents' financial status? Do they assets like stocks and bonds or rental property, etc? Do they have pensions, SS, etc as monthly income?
There is help for you. Your life is not over. Give us more information and you'll get lots of suggestions from many who've been there, done that, and survived