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I hope you are being paid something other than room and board (which many siblings often think is sufficient) for the care you are providing.
Yes, nyc is expensive, but there are inexpensive neighborhoods, there is NJ right across the river. You CAN RELOCATE.
I'm delighted for your daughter, btw. Many congratulations to her, and I wish her every success in her studies.
To return. Okay, suppose your siblings had a complete change of heart and agreed with you that your father should be moved to a facility and that went ahead. Then where would you go? Because if your idea is that dad is shipped out and you continue to live in the family home... that wouldn't be happening. Your father's house would presumably need to be let or sold to maintain him, facilities being notoriously expensive, and you'd have no right to stay.
Being on your own with dependent children is scary and I sympathise. But at some point you're going to have to move on, and you'll feel better about it if it's your plan and your idea and not just events pushing you out.
I"m sorry your family isn't more supportive. I can imagine how disgusted you felt with your sister's precious reaction to your father's outburst (goodness, I still seethe at the memory of 'your brother finds it so depressing to see your mother now' - the poor dear), and how enraging it is to be told be grateful for this sh*t sandwich.
But, so, you're in charge. How about your employer, or a new employer come to that. What prospects are open to you to improve your situation? The upside of your father's treatment of you is that you can walk away feeling nothing but relief. All you need is somewhere better to go.
So, what's your plan? Put it in place and leave.
Suppose you just don't fix their plates. Suppose you come home, go to your room, and stay there until they leave and they can fix their own dam' plates. What are they going to do? Break the door down? Have you frogmarched to the kitchen in leg irons?
And on the Saturday night sister specials, if she hasn't brought whatever accompaniment your father asks for you don't rustle it up. You say "oh dear, no, sorry Dad, she didn't bring any of that. Tsk tsk, maybe she'll remember it next time." Then serve him what she's brought, if you like, and if it doesn't throw out your existing dinner plans. Or pop it in the freezer for another time.
They're not making you, you know. You're allowing this. Stop!!! Discover your inner beastie with teeth and claws and a teensy little bit of a temper when it's justified. No row short of physical violence can be worse than your leading a life of constant defeat.
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