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It might be best if you ask for financial help rather than close contact. However as everyone in the family seems to have good jobs, income and assets, you might need to put together the sort of financial information that a bank or loan company would want, to explain what you need and why.
It isn’t easy getting old, or dealing with people who are getting old. I hope that you and your wife can find some happiness.
If both of your wife’s children and the adult grandchildren have cut ties with her, there has to be a reason. Usually the one who is cut off seems to never know why. Not saying it’s all due to your wife, but something has happened along the way for it to be like this.
From er responses, he is the only one in the room that knows anything, he also stated that his wife's children have endowments, so that means their dad had money, financially set his children up for future and that means that he left his wife financially secure. If she has alienated her children by marrying the poster, it means they thought he was after her money. I say that because that is what he is now trying to do with them. You have it stepchildren and now I am entitled to force you to fork over anything I say we need, because no one, not even doctors know as much as me. So pay up and avoid a lawsuit, if I can figure out how to sue you. Mom is on Medicaid and poster obviously doesn't get a good pension or ss for that matter. Mom probably was a stay at home mom and 1st husband left her secure enough to not worry that she would run out of money, never considering that she would remarry and forfeit his ss benefits she received. Then enter husband #2 who blew through all of her financial future because, hey her kids have money and we will force them to pay up when she is broke. He just didn't bargain for healthy children that can set and enforce boundaries, but he won't know about those things.
Sounds like the wife isn't the only one with loss of executive function. When anyone believes that they are the only ones that know anything you are dealing with dementia and/or NPD. Terrible situation for the poor woman that can no longer make her own choices.
Maybe counseling would help you, but you would have to LISTEN to what they have to say.
I am also so sorry that your wife's children and grandchildren are not helping her. There must be reasons for that but that doesn't matter at this point. If they don't want to help, even if there are some laws that force them to, I don't know if it's worth the fight and the time to go after them.
Here are some places you should call:
--your local Aging Agency, sometimes called Office on Aging
--Adult Protective Services
--local hospital and ask for a social worker
--local Alzheimer's/dementia support group
--local Adult Daycare center and ask to talk to a social worker if they have one
--an attorney specializes in elder law who can help you apply for Medicaid
--Veteran Affairs (if you or your wife had been in the service)
When you call these places, explain your situation and ask them for help or referral to resources that you can apply to help you and your wife.
Do come back and let us know what you find out.
You mentioned your wife have Medicaid. Since your wife is at stage 4 of dementia, ask her doctor if she is qualified to be in a nursing home. If so, the doctor can order that. Then, she can be looked after 24/7, and you can visit daily to make sure she's being well taken care of.
Also, have to talked to an elder law attorney? This is for the purpose of getting the type of Medicaid that will pay for nursing home.
If where you live is so isolated and no competent help and services available, then you should consider relocating to where there are better services.
I think it's very possible that erwash has some form of dementia, maybe vascular like my father, on top of a life long personality disorder or other emotional dysfunction. He most likely really needs someone to interface with the SWs for him because his "style" is likely to demand a specific action/remedy and when someone tells him that specific option isn't available, label them incompetent and move on searching for someone who can deliver what he wants. Being insulting to the "incompetent" people who don't agree with him has become a coping method - nothing wrong with him, it's all those other people. Posters here may be able to give workable advice but it falls on deaf ears because OP is no longer capable of making reasonable compromises or dealing with the rules/requirements needed to get the needed help. Mostly likely all we can do is pray for him and his wife. Pray that when one of them comes in contact with a hospital SW, they will finally get some help.
You make a good point about dementia. Glad your father’s situation was addressed.
We can be struggling through challenging circumstances and be sad or unhappy and still find joy in our hearts about something! I don’t ever want to leave this world looking at life in total misery because I don’t have everything I want like a spoiled child.
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