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I don't want to see him suffer any longer. All he does is sleep and hallucinate and ask strange questions of me. He can hear something on TV and make it totally NOT what is actually being said. I sometimes think the NOISE of the TV helps him but I fear what he is hearing might frighten him. Today, he asked if ISIS is coming. I told him not to worry, if they step one foot in this house, I will kill them. He said oh good and went back to sleep.
I will be so happy when Hospice starts. My mom was on Hospice but in a Hospital in Long Beach, Ca., which had ONE FLOOR allotted to hospice. Hospice has just started and believe me, all I did was just stay there day and night. The staff did all the work. But with My partner, he is here at home and there is nothing like what my mom had.
I am going to have a talk with our friend and doctor. He should not have to suffer like this. He would be so happy to go. He is a Born Again Christian and knows where he is going. He is not afraid. I will miss him with all my heart.
I talked to our Primary doctor yesterday about Hospice. I also had the conversation with our Visiting Nurse. She same they discuss my Partner yesterday and he is declining fast. She agreed that our Primary doctor who is the head of Hospice here in our County would be making the final decision. She was going to Email him today. She was SO pleased that we are both open to Hospice. She said a lot of people have the wrong idea about hospice. It is not a last minute fix. Some people are on hospice for a long time and actually come off. I have the greatest respect for hospice. I don't want him to suffer and Hospice is the answer.
I know from talking to our doctor that he is going to treat with pain medication and with antibiotics. He believes my partner is trying to get pneumonia. She agreed with me on the neurologist. She was shocked he was treating my partner as he is normally just called in as a consultant. But, as I have said many times, we live so far from GREAT treatment. I could drive my Partner 2.5 hours to the nearest new neurologist. I believe the neurologist is waiting for our Primary Care Dr (head of hospice) to make the decision on the next treatment road to take.
Our primary dr is a close friend and we would never leave him ever! We both trust him with our lives. We are going to leave the time for Hospice up to him.
Drs here in our area are SO stressed and over booked. They come in from the Big city for about 5 days a month and every time they come, there are new patients added to them. We are considered a Rural medical area. I was told they rented a house and they all use it when they come here.
My partner is scheduled for a shot in his hip and two shots in his lower back at the Surgery Center next week. If they can control his pain, his life will be so much better quality. He is so ready to go and I am so not ready for him to go. It is a mental conflict. Thanks for your advice. We both have great kids. My daughter is a teacher, underpaid and exceptional.
He just cannot do this any longer. It take everything out of him to get into the car and out and then back again. He barely can walk down the hall to the Dr. office. I told the doctor that he cannot do this any longer. He acts like he had a small stoke. I am just feeling SO sorry for him. I don't want him to suffer anymore. I want to keep him at home so I am praying that he goes before he gets much worse. It looks like I will have to start helping him eat soon. His appetite is going downhill also. I can't stand to see him like this. Coming out of the doctor's office getting into the car he started to go down. I was holding him with all I had in me to keep him from falling on the concrete. Suddenly Three beautiful male angels came flying out of the waiting room and helped me with my partner. Thank you God.
I finally put an ad in the paper for a housekeeper. I am interviewing someone on Tuesday and hopefully they can start on Friday. I have to start crossing off some chores on my list. He needs me more every day. If I can possibly afford it, I would like her to come every other week.