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Carol
When you have a dominant mother, it is often easier to take things in small steps that they can accept. I would get Hospice involved right away, then take other steps as your new team deems necessary. That will give you time for your son. He may push you away, but that is normal for boys his age becoming men. I hope some of our male members will have advice for you on how to help guide a boy his age to keep him from getting into more trouble.
Fingers crossed that court goes well. My good thoughts are coming your way.
If you can..get Hospice. They are wonderful and I feel so blessed to have them. I am sure your mom will see this when they do finally come. Good luck and God bless. Your reward is waiting in heaven.
I sympathize with your mother. Change is difficult for older people. Having people you don't know coming into your home is difficult. Tell her that soon these strangers will be friends and they'll help you be able to keep your father at home for longer. Maybe you'll be able to get her on board.
Is your mother still healthy other than being wheelchair bound? Does she take care of herself or help with your father? I know that healthy people in wheelchairs can be hard workers. Tell us a bit more about your mother.
I am most concerned about you and your son. I know he is starting to get out, but a boy that age still needs his mother even if he doesn't think so. How does your husband feel about all of this? He probably misses his wife.
You have a lot on you right now and need to find a way to share the burden. Hospice sounds like a very good choice to me. It would allow your mother and father to stay together and take some of the burden off your shoulders. Bless you for caring like you do.
What level of care does your mother require?
If your health gave out completely and you needed care yourself, how would your parents get by? Would Dad need to be moved out of the house? Would Mom need in-home help? How much, and what kind? Or would Mom need to be where she could have 24/7 care? Think this through very carefully, and then take the necessary steps to get that care in place, to help prevent your total health failure!
I know that it must seem you have no choice and that your caregiving is absolutely required by your parents. But if something happened to you there would be others ways their needs would be met. Start that ball rolling now.