By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Author of, Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children
Thank you for writing such an important book. I am going to go look for it RIGHT NOW to see where I can buy it for her.
Kate
Sincerely, Sheri McGregor
Author of Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children
Thank you again for taking more of your time to give me support and understanding. It obviously helps to know I am not alone and neither is my mom with her problems. My best to you and your husband as you navigate through the tough times.
Kate
Thank you for taking the time to write to my mom. I have read it to her and we talked about different parts of your letter. She is doing a little better knowing that others are in the same position with their children. Since they both live out of state, there really isn't "time" to make up about so many issues she thinks were handled wrong through the past years. It is very sad to say the least. On the other hand, over the last 30 years they really haven't gone out of their way to make themselves or their children part of their life. I personally spent a lot of my time here in our state trying to get them to visit or call her. No such luck.
As mentioned, I have had to take myself out of the whole situation for my own mental health. I wish I had done it sooner since I am doing much better personally. My mom is much worse, but the truth of finding about someone's true colors is very painful to accept. She just can't believe it is her own children not respecting her or listening to her own wishes. Their loss since she truly is a wonderful, funny, kind and loving person.
Warm thoughts,
Kate
Your words are so true and direct. I am thankful for people like you that reach out to a stranger in their time of need.
I am so sorry to learn how much pain you are in because of being estranged from your sons. I don't imagine that will ever go away or that you will ever be able to just let it go. You cared so much for them as children, and had such hopes for them.
You did the best you could for them in very trying circumstances. They had less than ideal childhoods, but not because of the lack of your love. Many times when the early years were especially tumultuous or chaotic or unstable there can be healing in the later years. So there is hope. But often all parties cannot put the past aside and grow beyond it, at least without professional help. I am sorry that that seems to be your family situation right now.
Aside from the very unfortunate estrangement, have your sons grown into decent men? Have they raised their own children well? Do they have good steady relationships with their wives? Have they had reasonably stable work lives? That they are very wrong-headed about their sister is highly regrettable, but in other ways have they overcome the difficult start they had in life? If so, be grateful for that.
Be grateful too for your daughter, who wants the best for you and who would like to see family wounds healed. She does not have the power to change your son's attitudes, but if she did she would want them to see that they have a loving mother.
You know that the only person whose role you can write in this drama is you. Continue to reach out to your sons, perhaps by sending occasional letters and notes. But know that you cannot control their reactions.
Rejoice in what you have. Try not to obsess on what you wish you had but do not.
Sincerely,
A cyber friend
Yes. My brothers think that Mom only thinks what I tell her to think. It is BS. Ask her lawyer, doctor, cousins, friends, etc. But they will never do this since they would learn the truth about me and her. Also, they have never had a sit down with just her to discuss the issues and get feedback from HER. Brainwashing has been a term used against me. I have let them go years ago. But a mom is very different then a sibling. That is why I am looking for other parents who have parted ways with their children for whatever reason. My mom needs some ideas on how not to ruminate about them and how they have treated her the past 3 years. Mom is a very quiet lady and if she disagrees with someone,, she doesn't speak up, so that makes the other person think she agrees with them. She has learned (through counseling) that is why she is in this position with them. Lawyers have been involved and huge amounts of money has been spent. Yes. Our childhood was dysfunctional as shown by how my dad died when I was 15....suicide.
One brother said to mom over a year ago...."MOM. Did you KNOW that what happens to you as a kid, has an influence on how you are as an adult????" this statement from a 55 year old man. The other one yelling.........."DAD COULDN'T HAVE BEEN GAY, HE HAD CHILDREN!!!" This stupidity coming from a 53 year old man. Welcome to my world.
Would you say your childhood was in a dysfunctional household?
It is not an option for my brothers to take over mom's care. I have stayed in CT my whole life and that is where she is from and plans to live out the rest of her life. (both of them moved away in 1980 and have never really been part of her life....or the grandchildren). We built an addition on the back of my house for her to live. The situation now is that I have my own life in my house, but very close by when she needs help. The man I have been seeing for about a year now is very understanding that most of our time together is here since I feel guilty to leave for long periods. I am also able to do part time work out of my home which is a blessing. One minute she is saying "I want to let my boys go." and the next minute she is saying, "I have to figure out how to get my boys to understand me." Quite a problem day in and day out.
Since they all seem to feel that you are the root of the family discord perhaps you should offer to step aside so that they can jump back in ;)