By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Early onset Alzheimer's and dementia is a sad diagnosis for the whole family. Everyone grieves the loss of the person who once was, but is now lost to the nasty disease process that robs them of their personality.
The good thing about memory care is that mom now has others to socialize with AND she still gets to see her husband and daughter. But you and dad don't have to do the hands on caregiving that will only worsen with time. While she may not be as advanced as the other residents yet, that can quickly change.....nobody knows when or how dramatically they will, either.
My mother had to move into Memory Care in June of 2019 for moderate dementia combined with severe mobility issues that made her no longer a viable resident for regular Assisted Living. So she too wasn't quite as bad as the other residents in that she was more cognizant. But the others were more mobile. So they all had different deficits and learned to live well with one another as peers. Today my mother has advanced dementia to the point where she's quite a bit worse than many others that reside there, and it all transpired rather fast. Dementia takes some wild and unexpected turns, let me say.
In 2019/2020 I worked at a Memory Care Assisted Living facility as a front desk receptionist. I got to know the residents who were all in differing stages of Alzheimer's and the other dementias. Linda was a resident in her late 50s, the youngest. The second youngest was a Viet Nam vet at 68. Both of them were very quiet; Linda never seemed happy, but that was her demeanor. She never veered from that straight lipped look either, even when her hubby came to take her to dinner. Her lack of facial emotion was indicative of the dementia, not of her emotional state of mind, which is a very common thing. Maybe your mom is not unhappy at the MC but just like Linda; expressionless. You say she "seemed happy" at home, yet sat in a chair all day and followed dad around. That's called "shadowing" by the way. You say 'that's no quality of life', which is true.....so let her try to develop a better quality of life at the MC thru activities and outings, etc. Allow dad to have a better quality of life as well now that hes free from all the caregiving worries, that's my suggestion.
As far as guilt goes, that's a wasted emotion but goes with the territory for a lot of us. If you brought mom home, you'd feel guilty for putting the burden of care back on dad. It's a no win situation, so accept that mom is cared for where she's at and plan more trips to see her, you and dad, that's my suggestion. Take her small gifts, out for a meal, ice cream, watch a movie on tv, etc. Don't put your guilty feelings onto her and say she's sad and you can sense it....unless she's telling you otherwise, she's probably doing fine. If both you AND dad think otherwise 6 months down the road, then reconsider taking her home. I'd be real careful about doing that though, especially if she becomes incontinent or starts staying up all night wandering around. That's when in home care gets VERY hard bc there's no sleep for you or dad.
I just read about mom's roommate being mean....not okay! See if the administration can give her a new one stat! 😶
Wishing you the best of luck.
Yes it is sad. It really is. But it does happen that early onset Alz strikes. I remember that film Still Alice - cried
my eyes out.
I think you have made this decision based fairly & sensibly. Many fail to do this. Instead, they get fixated on keeping someone at home, despite the bigger picture. Despite the ever increasing needs. Despite this bringing great stress into the caregivers. We hear many stories here of caregivers that developed major health concerns or even passed away. I personally have heard of 3 that passed (heart attacks/cancer) but also 3+ strokes, survivable but major life changers.
If it helps, change the script a little on this part: "I'm wondering if I placed her too soon".
To get the timing exactly right would have been perfect. But even if all the money in the world, finding the right place with availability just at the right time it was needed is probably a slim chance.
Nonetheless, a little early is propably a lot better than way too late.
I have met a couple of younger people in aged care settings. MS, ID, Down's Syndrome. One lady I especially remember was very social & loved company so the staff ensured she got to many activities, in her area & other floors too. The right day activities can make a big difference. Speak to the Manager or Activities Director about Mom's interests from her day program.
Another place I visited also had 60/70s music, not just 'crooners' era.
I wish you peace as you all adjust to the new situation.
Today was especially hard, my Mom always had low self esteem and was very meak but a heart of gold and today I found out her roomate has been verbally mean to her any targeting her. I plan to talk to the facility to see what measures can be taken. Hearing this just made me want to take her home.
I'm in my early 30s and have been been caregiver for her for a better part of half my life, its taking time to adjust.
Thank you again for your words.