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One thing is certain: with a motor home, I can be "homeless" anywhere in the country. And everywhere I go I take my house with me. ... Whatever happens, I'll feel I'm free; lord & master of my own destiny; and totally responsible for my own decisions.
Have you ever thought about getting yourself some help? It sounds like you may need to. I go to a counselor myself to vent and try to get solutions for coping. Letting it out in a safe environment really helps. That's why this place is nice too. I know from personal experience that holding in all the negative emotions is really unhealthy, but I admit that there are days when I don't want to go home either on the occassions I am able to get out. I take care of a family member with severe Alzheimer's, so believe me when I say how I understand how it is to be the responsible one in the family. Her kids don't help her, and she lives with us, so it is very frustrating.
Your dad sounds like he is just trying to keep as much control of his life still as he can. He is probably frustrated with his situation and resentful of it too. You sound like you are trying the best you can, but I hope you can get some help for yourself too. You deserve to feel heard and feel better. It is a struggle, I know. Have you ever tried talking to your dad and explain how much he is hurting your feelings? Maybe if he saw how hurt you are and how much you just want what is best for him that he would let down his guard a little. My husband's back is badly hurt too. He has what is called a pars defect, which basically means it is fractured in two places. His doctor told him the only way to fix it is to have surgery, which he can't do right now because he is really overweight. The doc told him he needs to lose weight before he can operate on him. Anyway, needless to say my husband gets pretty cranky from constant pain all the time. I think it makes him feel useless because he isn't able to help us more. Pain and discomfort changes people. When they have gone through it for a while, they forget how it feels to be healthy and normal anymore. It is trying because I know he doesn't want to be snappish with people, but all he thinks about most the time is how much pain he is in. Maybe your dad's pain is causing a lot of his temperment problems. I don't know him, but I do know pain does start to wear on people after a while. Sometimes, I don't think they even realize how much they are hurting the people around them because their focus is on the pain and the limitations it causes.