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Dementia is a disease of progression, meaning mom will continue to get worse as she approaches the end of her life. Her actions defy logic, they're senseless, because her mind is no longer working properly. She's likely wandering around at night, as is common with dementia in the later stages, then getting confused and coming to you with questions. This may go on and on, or may never happen again.
Toward the end of her life, my mother was restless and agitated (Sundowning) every day in the late afternoon and on. Ativan helped relax her quite a bit. She stopped looking everywhere for her dead siblings she insisted were hiding from her
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck, my friend.
She most certainly is getting worse and will continue to do so for the rest of her life.
You said her insurance is your income, what are your plans when she dies (assuming you don't die first from foolishly trying to be a sole caregiver, which is a very real possibility) and that source of income is gone?
To me it seems that it may be better for you to place your mom in a memory care facility where she will be around other folks her age and will receive the 24/7 care she requires. And you can get some much needed rest, and a job that you actually enjoy and won't get so "overwhelmed" with.
It sounds like the only reason that you have taken on moms care is for the money that her LTC insurance provides for you and the fact that moms money helps pay some of your bills.
That's why I made the comment about drawing the short end of the stick, as I think you are now realizing the reality of what it takes to care full-time for someone with dementia. It's very hard, and will only get harder.
You say that you're in it for the long haul, but are you really? Even at the risk of damaging your own health and mental status? And you know that someone with Alzheimer's can live with it for 20+ years right? Do you have another 11 years in you to care for her?
There are other options out there not only for your mom, but for you as well as far as employment goes. I'm sure your mom would not want you killing yourself(literally)because of her if she were in her right mind, so please do what is not only best for your mom but for you as well.
Also mentioned was "long term health insurance provides my income". May I ask if this is in a form of a regular paycheck with payroll deductions for social security and medicare? Are you being paid for 1-shift even though you are actually working/being on call for 3-shifts? Have you figured out your hourly rate?
As for your Mom seeming to be getting worse, maybe it is time to see if she has an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI]. Such an infection can cause all types of different behaviors. Her primary doctor can do this test. For quicker results, an Urgent Care. If it isn't a UTI, please note, as others here had mentioned, with dementia it only gets worse, never better. www.agingcare.com/topics/8/dementia-behaviors
and that you are committed to in-home caregiving of here "for the long haul".
I assume you are her PoA? And I also assume she has a medical diagnosis of dementia/ALZ, memory impairment so that your PoA is active?
If you are not her PoA and later down the "long haul" you experience burnout and want to transition her to a facility and she resists, this would be a problem. Also, is your home ADA compliant? Does she have enough funds to hire help if she becomes less or immobile? Someone to turn her in bed?
The "long haul" can include a lot of scenarios that are sometimes unimaginable right now and impossible to live with. Just encouring you to be prepared. Make sure you know what her medical issue is and that you are educated all about it so that you know how to interact with her and know what might be coming.
" I don’t understand this. She seems to be getting worse."
If she has dementia, the only predicatable thing is that she *will* get worse and worse. Talk to her doctor (if you are her MPoA and/or her Medical Representative.
You need a good night's sleep.
How long has your mother been living with you? Why is she living with you? Your name says it all -- "overwhelmed." Do you have a family? Did you give up a job to take care of your mother?
Thank you for your encouragement!
You must be exhausted from being woken up during the night. I’m sure that this is frustrating for you. Of course, you are concerned about your mother’s behavior.
Have you spoken with your mother’s doctor about this behavior? Perhaps calming meds may help her to relax and sleep through the night.
How long has she been living with you? Have you considered placing her in a facility where others will do the caregiving so you can get the proper rest that you need?
If you decide to place her you can be her advocate and visit her as much as you like.
Best wishes to you and your mother.