By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
We have no obligation to make life better for those who abused us. We might feel a need to stick around because an inheritance would feel like at least we got something out of a lifetime of suffering. Or as you say, maybe it’s better to avoid feeling guilty in the future.
I don’t know you or why you think as you do, but it’s always possible to change one’s mind and stop doing what we no longer want to do. Only you can decide that, and I wish you luck in whatever you do. I’m so sorry that your family put you through such pain.
You haven't caused their problems.
You can't fix their problems.
Without causation there cannot be guilt.
Get on with your life and leave these folks in the dust. There is no duty of care to those who are abusive.
I wasn’t raped but my mother put me in an unsafe situation where I was held against my will and groped by a drunk uncle when I was 15. When I told her, her reply was “oh, yeah he does that to everyone.” That is all I can say because I am livid to this day about this.
Leave and don't look back. Your brother the golden child will need to step up, I guess. Or the state can take guardianship. Either way, they will be cared for.
Move on.
Seek therapy to find out why.
Saying "reluctantly care" & "I will continue.."
I am certainly not a trained trauma councellor & I would strong suggest you seek professional advice & support. You have mentioned many serious issues.
To me it reads you have decided that Care = enable them to stay at home.
Propping up two elderly people with dementia, to stay home, who are unable to look after themselves or arrange their own care.
Why? Is this the only way?
You have become needed & essential to their lives. You now hold a position of power.
Yet you feel under their control?
Remember Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz? She had those ruby slippers & just needed to tap them.. had the power all along but didn't know it.
You too have the power to change things but may need a 'Wizard' to highlight it.
Secondly, you must take care of your own needs. Your mental and physical health is equally important to your mom and dad’s needs.
I realize that you have a need to help because they are your parents. That’s understandable, if you feel as if you must. You do not have to be their hands on provider. Find others who will assist them with their needs.
You don’t owe them anything. You haven’t failed them in any way. There isn’t a valid reason for you to have guilt.
I am curious if they have shown any remorse for not believing you or hurting you?
Best wishes to you.
Meanwhile, I was in hospital on an Acute Psychiatric unit having another breakdown. My parents didn’t visit me once.
it’s taken me years to realise that I am seen as the perpetrator and my brother the victim because I wouldn’t let it drop.
It all seems clear cut to people reading this. They hurt me, so I should cut them out. It really isn’t so easy. The trauma has many layers. And while they are so needy and dependent it makes it even harder
Did you read her response to my post? It’s so very sad. She absolutely needs therapy.
You are perhaps in your 50-60s, if so you have suffered for decades. Enough already!
Ugh my heart goes out to you.
I have cared for my emotional/mental abuser (until I went no contact, best decision of my life and 0 guilt associated to that decision) and my biggest regret wasn’t cutting them off sooner.
See All Answers