By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I would be gone for 3 weeks. (My first vacation in 5 years.)
In my heart and mind I was afraid that being in the facility for that length of time I might not be able to bring him home. I though maybe he would be so set there that it might be more of an upset to bring him home.
I had nothing to fear! The day I dropped him off they suggested I stay a while to get him into bed as was our usual routine. He would not settle down and wanted to leave. I left him. I figured he would get into bed when he got tired or he would fall asleep watching TV. Picking him up I waited until lunch, while he was eating I arrived and packed up all his clothes. When he was done eating I asked if he wanted to go home, he got into the car and when we got home and got him into the house he settled right down into his recliner to watch TV.
At this point his dementia was pretty advanced and he, for the most part was non verbal. But there seemed to be no stress on his part. He settled right back into the routine we had had previously. When I brought him back for "Day Care" he seemed not to be afraid I would leave him there again.
Your Mom may be upset. But depending on how severe her dementia is if you can explain that you both are going on vacation. She may take it a bit better. If you have a bit of time before she stays can you bring her in 1 or 2 days to see the grounds, maybe have lunch. This way she may be more comfortable when she stays there.
The important thing is ...time away is vital for you. You need to take a break. This is important physically, mentally and emotionally.
The flip-side is my friend never brought her mother home again, and she is still in the Nursing Home today.
Another friend had to put her DH into respite/nursing home care because she needed knee surgery. Her DH didn't do well.
You do what you have to do and just keep praying. Unless you are absolutely sure about hiring home-health-care, Mom would probably be safer in the NH, just my humble opinion.
all of you who share your ideas with us. Blessings to you all as you give.
Depending on how advanced your mother's dementia is, and how well (or not) she retains information, you may decide it's better not to try to "prepare" her for her respite break. Put it on the calendar by all means, be open about it if the subject comes up, but don't try to make her look forward to it because just trying to remember and plan her stay will be stressful for her. Have her suitcase packed ready, and a box of familiar items, and then if/when you get the go ahead you can just treat the whole thing as a matter of routine. If you take it in your stride, she's more likely to, too.
My brother was fine with it, and I think his wife took advantage of it as much as possible to get some time to rejuvenate.
My father-in-law's experience: Hospice arranged for his 5 days in local NH and suggested that family not visit. NH welcomed him warmly; he thought it was a special facility owned by his doctor rather than a NH. He was unable to understand the call-button concept, not too coherent, and unable to feed himself. The family set the heat at a level his roommate agreed would be comfortable. His son and wife came in the next day around noon to check on him. His bed was lowered to the floor. He was naked. The heat had been turned off, and he was shivering. Wife and son cared for and dressed him, and it was over an hour before anyone on staff even came in. His roommate commented that it had been cold all night. The curtain was pulled between them, so he didn't know Dad was naked and freezing. When staff finally did wander in, all they knew was that he didn't eat his breakfast.
MIL called Hospice and told them to get him out of there PDQ.
After 6 months, MIL had to have cancer surgery, so she agreed to 5 respite days at a different NH. Thank God, the new facility was great. We did, however, wander in and out at all hours just to be sure. She didn't recover as quickly as she thought, so she agreed to another week or two at self-pay.
And, his condition actually improved from what it was at home, since he was getting professional care that they just couldn't do at home. He's still there 10 months later, and everyone is better off.
My advice, then: Take the respite time. Ask friends and acquaintances to visit and check on her. You've already investigated the facilities, so you feel comfortable with them (a step we didnt know we should do the first time).
She may actually be better there!
See All Answers