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Caregiving is HARD! Some of your questions and comments have made me take a hard look at this and for that thank you again.
I’ve always known my father was narcissistic and I think I’ve continued on at times and accepted his behavior longing for him to love me as a father should. Being a people pleaser I feel I try to fill that void with his love and acceptance and have learned ( through therapy) and this forum that loving me is more important at times. I find it hard to accept because you don’t want to think your own family would treat you this way and especially when you bend over backwards to be their caregiver when everyone else has given up on them.
Today I realized I need help not only for him but myself. That I can walk away if I choose too, or place him where he needs to be if that time comes. Thank you again for your guidance.
First, at 84 your Dad needs you more than you need him. So that gives you some power. Second, boundries. What are you willing and not willing too do? What are you able to do? If the strain of caring for him is making your health problems worse, then you need to talk options with Dad. If he can afford it an AL.
Remember, you can always walk away.
Do want to be his caregiver? Do you need more clarity over what you will & what you won't do?
Or are you wanting a part or full exit?
My mother has access to all my buttons and triggers and could and would trip them ALL if she were in a mood to do so.
I have to stand back and not be involved in her life when I feel fragile. She knew of, and allowed horrible abuse of me by my OB for years and kept it a secret because 'our family' doesn't have that kind of problem. It wasn't HIS fault, it was MINE.
She also was very jealous of the fact my daddy and I were close. She has always maintained that he 'liked me best' and so any abuse or whatever that I suffered, somehow, I deserved. Weird, I know, and it has taken years to work through the pain and self-loathing.
Today 2 of my siblings are doing a 'hoarder cleanout' at mom's. I organized it and she specifically said I could not be there. Whatever.
Accepting that at 91, she is just getting worse, is really not helpful. She's lost all filters. Whatever she thinks just falls out of her mouth.
Stay away. That's how I deal. I've gone a year without talking to her. Since she never reaches out, I'm 'safe'.
amazing you're able not to take it personally.
i'll try to do like you.
sending us courage!
bundle of joy :)