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It's a no win situation so don't bother trying. Your brother will always be the golden child to your parents..........the less he does, the more golden he shall be. Unfair and stupid as hell, but typical.
My brother’s too busy doing things around the house (drinking alcohol & smoking cannabis) to help. He reeked of one or the other until I pointed it out. Now he smells like cheap drugstore cologne.
I bailed last month on all three until things change. I’m not holding my breath, except for the stench of pot or Old Spice.
Thanks, OP, for this. It’s an injustice to hardworking adult daughters. Should be a rallying cry for change.
I did as much for her as I felt was reasonable, hired a helper here & there - whom she would then fire. Then I told her I was hiring someone to take care of certain things and, that if she fired this person, these things would not be done. I had to lay down the law. You have to draw boundaries.
Things are changing these days but I was born into the old order; as the only girl, it was not fun.
The difference how the females were treated compared to the males was totally different, we were indeed second class citizens. I found it disturbing to grow up to see my brothers given more attention, more things and monetary help whenever needed, but I was not afforded the same luxury and was taught to never expect it.
After my father and both brothers passed away my mother never really recovered that all of her men were dead and believed her life was over. I took care of her until her dementia required placement in a home.
I taught my two sons to know otherwise, but even they believe (thanks to their father and a family line of narcissistic men) that women do not deserve the same respect that men deserve. And so it goes on...
Mothers and sons . . .best friends. Fathers and daughters . . best friends.
Something I've observed my whole life with other families. It seems to be an anomaly when a mother and daughter get along like BFF's . . or fathers and sons.
I'm pretty sure you're not alone with this situation. Hell, even my mom liked my husband more than me. Yeap. Only child/daughter here. My mom practically ignored me when both of us visited her. Still , not easy to take, is it. *sigh*
"Life isn't fair" and we have all experienced our share of just how profound that statement is. When favoritism among siblings rears it's ugly head we can either ignore it, fight it, or accept it for what it is. My brother is useless when it comes to helping out, and has been a financial drain (not because of necessity) on my parents. BUT....rest assured, when all is said and done he will be first in line with his hand out to get his share of the estate. I've resolved to help my parents as best to my ability without compromising my own health and well being. I won't do more. They chose to put my brother's selfish wants ahead of being fair to their daughters. I will never put my kids through the pain of thinking for one second that I played favorites.
I remember a Monday morning that I called her (make sure she made it through the night since she was still asleep when I left). When she answered, she let me know that she needed an enema. I told her I was at work 30 minutes away and couldn't bring her one until later. I also asked her why she didn't tell me she needed one the night before.
That didn't go over well and it got to the point of her yelling at me, "If I get impacted, it's going to be your fault!! Then, how much time will you have to take off work to take me to the hospital?!"
I suggested that she call her son and ask him to get the enema for her since he was closer to home.
Her reply? "He can't do it. He needs to go to work."
Fortunately, I called my hubby, he got the enema, and set his mom straight that my job is important also.
MIL was from the generation that women did the caregiving. That got old since I was the only female in the house and she assumed I would do it all.
I'm trying hard to raise my three boys with different expectations for themselves and women.
Her last years weren't the best but we did what we could and she slipped away peacefully in her sleep.